


you're the yogi berra to my whitey ford

by totorojin



Series: they say that the world was built for two. [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Baseball, Chatfic Elements, Hwang Hyunjin is Whipped, M/M, Slice of Life, based on a manhwa named base to base!, bcs there has to b angst lbr, hyunjin is insufferably unaware of wht he's doing but it's ok bcs he's hwang fucking hyunjin, just... cute baseball players hyunchan..., nd also i got. so much second hand embarrassment while writing this u have no idea, w some angst ofc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-04-07 17:49:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19090048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/totorojin/pseuds/totorojin
Summary: He manages to grab onto his shoulder, and the stranger whips around. Hyunjin only sees his face when he looks up, resting his other hand on his knees. Once he does, Hyunjin is absolutely taken aback. His eyes shoot in surprise, when Bang Chan says, “Excuse me?”When Chan thinks Hyunjin is not registering what he’s saying, he asks, “Can I help you with something?” with his breath coming in between of his words.Hyunjin beams brightly, taking his hand off Chan’s shoulder. “You’re Bang Chan, right?”or, Hyunjin fell in love with Chan when he was in Junior High and felt incredibly alone, so he decided to latch onto a friendly senior who gave him strawberry milk when he was crying his eyes out. For Chan, it's probably around the time that Hyunjin gave him strawberry milk back when he was sick. It falls in between Chan taping down a huge line in their dorm room and an accidental kiss.





	you're the yogi berra to my whitey ford

**Author's Note:**

  * For [iram!](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=iram%21).



> NOW KSLDDNJSK
> 
> please understand before reading this fic i have never held a baseball bat in my entire life lmao and you don't have to know any baseball terminology either! this is just based on a cute shounen ai manhwa/webtoon named base to base :] here is the link to where i read it! http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/base_to_base/
> 
> you don't have to read the source material at all! but keep in mind, you might get a lot of second hand embarrassment at some scenes :"" i honestly wanted to throw some of them out, but they're kinda funny and in the source material so i decided to keep them in :}
> 
>  
> 
> there's quite a few reasons i chose base to base as the ""base"" for this fic so imma just boil it down to a couple:
> 
>   1. base to base just really stuck with me for some reason, i dunno? i guess the happy, lighthearted atmosphere reminded me of the person i wrote this for so i guess that's why i chose it :} 
>   2. if u've read base to base u would know that although most of the story had a Solid plot, towards the end it got rlly rushed so i wanted to ,, ig take it and add some stuff that i would've liked??
>   3. i also rlly wanted to write a sports fic for the Longest time but i'm not good at any sport so lol
> 

> 
> as well as!! this work is a gift to my friend, iram, happy birthday <333 i love you!!!! <333  
> i hope u enjoy this huge mess of a fic nd i hope it isn't as bad as i think it is lol
> 
>  
> 
> here's the [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3LBlhn9eY1w3B06DuxtnKO) that i listened to while writing this as well!! enjoy

The bus station is too frigid for Hyunjin to feel welcomed. He holds onto the rail tightly, even though they aren’t the warmest either. Over the intercom, a mild voice says, “We’ve arrived at our destination.”

 

Hyunjin jumps a bit once his phone inside of his duffel bag rings, and the small baseball chain rattles as he fishes around for his phone. The caller ID makes him smile, “It’s grandma..”

 

He picks up, “Hey grandma! Yeah, I got here just fine.” He readjusts the strap over his shoulder and holds onto it tightly. “Yeah, don’t worry, I had all my stuff delivered ahead of me.”

 

He stands in front of the large exit door, and laughs. “Don’t worry! I’m all grown up now, I’m in highschool now! Yeah, I’ll remember to eat breakfast. Bye.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Sungmoon Street.. Is it this way?” He bites on his lips, unsure of where he’s even going. He stares down the blue street sign, with bold letters spelling out ‘Sungmoon Street’. He holds his phone tightly in his hands, he would wear his gloves but he can’t use his phone if he does. So, freezing fingers or knowing the direction? “I feel like it has to be around here...”

Neither. He nuzzles his neck in the fluff around his hood. _Should I call Jisung? Is he even awake? He hates getting woken up in the morning…_

 

He dials Jisung’s phone number, but before he’s able to call and possibly wake up his best friend in order to guide his lost ass around, a stranger bumps into him. The stranger is taking a run, he can tell by the rushed “Sorry” he mutters. What catches his eye though, is the navy blue and grey hoodie he’s wearing with the “Sungmoon High School” sign written on the back.

 

“Hey, wait up!” Hyunjin realizes he can’t hear him, especially with the glimpse he caught, he’s wearing earphones. Hyunjin steadily starts running after him, his breaths matching up with the quick breathing of the stranger. _Fuck, he’s fast._

 

He manages to grab onto his shoulder, and the stranger whips around. Hyunjin only sees his face when he looks up, resting his other hand on his knees. Once he does, Hyunjin is absolutely taken aback. His eyes shoot in surprise, when Bang Chan says, “Excuse me?”

 

His earphones are so loud that once he takes out one of them, he can hear the lyrics blasting. It sort of reminds him of kids on the bus that always blast the dubstep song they’re listening to out of their headphones. But, Bang Chan isn’t listening to some stupid dubstep song. _‘I want to be next to you, but that’s all I wanna do right now. And I wanna come home to you.”_ When Chan thinks Hyunjin is not registering what he’s saying, he asks, “Can I help you with something?” with his breath coming in between of his words.

 

Hyunjin beams brightly, taking his hand off Chan’s shoulder. “You’re Bang Chan, right?”

 

Chan’s eyebrows knit together, staring at Hyunjin like he has no idea what he’s talking about. “Yes, and?”

 

“You’re Sungmoon High’s baseball captain!” Chan takes a step back, baffled with his mouth open, “And you’re a senior! I can call you sunbae, right? Hey, why are you taking out your phone?”

 

Chan looks down on his phone coldly, dialing a phone number. “You’re a stalker. I’m calling the police.”

 

“Woah there!” Hyunjin’s hand stops Chan before he could do anything, yelping like a puppy, “Sunbae, you’ve the wrong idea!”

 

Chan doesn’t look impressed at all, and Hyunjin is trying to save himself like a kid who just got caught stealing cookies from the jar, “Sunbae, I just really wanted to meet you!” _Why am I still talking? What is wrong with me?_

 

Chan returns to his deeply confused expression. His mouth, which is soft and pink, is hanging open a little. It’s not a great time to notice that his eyes are pretty even without any makeup, they’re dark and bottomless. Any time than now is better to notice that his eyes are dark and pulling him but it’s fine. Chan thinks he’s a stalker but it’s fine. Hyunjin is fine.

  
He can feel himself blushing. This entire interaction feels like a hellfire rolled in shit with a mix of shame. Chan looks down, “That’s… uh, can you let go of my hand?”

 

Meeting Bang Chan is checked off his bucketlist of things to do, but he also just added ‘Barrel roll across his room and jump off his dorm window, less badass Jackie Chan style’. In his defense though, when is it a great time to gawk at how pretty someone’s eyes are?

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Hyunjin sulks as he approaches the classroom, feeling down that he couldn’t explain himself to Chan and a strong sense of embarrassment brews in his ribs. He didn’t mean to come off so strongly, it’s just the nature of who he is, really… God, that’s so embarrassing. _Why did I do that?_ It feels like that guilt you can’t let go of for days. A guilty ghost following him everywhere, painting the walls in nasty ectoplasma.

 

He opens the door to his classroom, and he spots Jisung drinking milk next to the window. “Jiji!” Hyunjin exclaims, forgetting all about his shame and beaming. He runs over to Jisung and starts ruffling his brown hair, almost knocking over the milk he’s drinking and the glasses on his nose.

 

“Jesus Christ, Jin!” Jisung looks up at Hyunjin and shakes his head.

 

“This seat is empty, right?” Hyunjin plops down on it and leaves his bag there too, he smiles. “Dibs.”

 

“Way to ruin the school year before it even starts.” Jisung sulks down, resting his face on the table. “Did you find the guy you wanted to talk to?’

 

Then the long wave of shame rides back in like a tidal wave, hitting Hyunjin again. He bites his lips, the skin turning white from pressure. He looks away, “I did,” Hyunjin adds as he eyes the teacher coming into the classroom. “Let’s just say he doesn’t really have a good impression of me, though…”

 

“What did you do?” Jisung whispers back, lifting his face slowly.

 

“He might think I’m… really weird because I recognized him, and I’m obviously not on the team yet,” Hyunjin leans his chin into his palm as a form of self-comfort. “And I didn’t even get to explain or anything..”

 

“And that will be all for morning announcements. Oh, and is anyone in this class a member of the baseball team?” Hyunjin and Jisung both turn their heads to the teacher, watching him disappear as he says, “Come with me to the teacher’s office.”

  
  
  
  


“Oh, it’s just you two?” They nod limply, their hands folded behind their backs. “As you know, the school is very accommodating to the baseball team. The semester’s just begun, so for the time being, let me know if you have to leave early for practice.”  
  
They nod, smiling as they watch the teacher scribbling something down in a notebook, and he looks up. A warm smile, typical that of a teacher’s, graces his old face as he says, “That’ll be all.”

 

“We’ll be on our way now,” Jisung says, wrapping his arm around Hyunjin and smiling, while heading to the door.

 

“Where’s the snackbar again?” Hyunjin says, a bit distantly while Jisung replies with something along the lines of ‘The 3rd floor, maybe?’ He doesn’t exactly pay attention when he replies back with “I’ll race you there, loser buys.” His mind is too occupied with his thoughts filled with how he’s ever gonna face Chan again.

 

That, paired up with Hyunjin being clumsy and not paying attention, equates to colliding with someone right in front of the door. Before he can see who it is, Hyunjin places his arm right behind his back to keep him from falling, and the person’s hand lands on Hyunjin’s chest for stability. “Are you okay?”

 

“Thank y-” Bang Chan says, right before his mouth opens wide, realizing who caught him. Hyunjin smiles, a wave of excitement rushing over him at seeing his sunbae again, cheeks turning pink. He’s so close that he could trace every single feature on his face, from the curve of his monolids to his eyebrow mole. “You’re that.. stalker!”

 

And then, the excitement and rush of the moment fades into the day, the feeling of shame. That fucking ghost is back again. Hyunjin is left with a mouth left ajar and wide eyes. He wants to rip his hair out, panic filling his chest before Chan realizes his grip is tight on Hyunjin’s shirt, backing away with a small “Oh.”

 

Then, a voice grabs their attention, “A stalker?” A boy, a bit younger than Chan by the looks of it, says with raised eyebrows. He has dark hair, eyes that remind Hyunjin of a cat’s and he’s also presumably Chan’s friend by the way Chan exclaims, “Minho!”

 

Hyunjin moves out of the way in order to shake hands with Minho, excitedly shaking hands with his sunbae, all while saying, “Are you friends with Chan? My name is Hwang Hyunjin, I think we’ll be seeing each other often!! Nice to meet you!”

 

Minho looks dazed as he stands there with a thrilled Hyunjin, before a teacher makes Hyunjin jump with her booming voice, “Why are you kids crowded around the door? Go to class.”

 

Hyunjin turns around once more to Minho and tips his head, “Chan sunbae, Minho sunbae, I’ll see you later!”

 

“We should get going too,” Minho says, throwing a look to where Jisung and Hyunjin left, before patting Chan’s shoulder, “We can always drop by later. I’ll see you.” Chan only responds with a couple of nods.

 

Chan turns his head to the direction in which Hyunjin left, his feet cemented to the ground. He replays the event that just happened once, then a second time, and he’s left muttering “His arms were strong… Is he a pitcher?” Chan turns his head away, deciding it’s not worth thinking about it right now. But even then, he can’t help but wonder…

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“We just ate, but I’m already hungry,” Hyunjin says, pouting and eyeing the snack machine as they walk past it. Jisung decides to ignore it, only shaking his head as they make a sharp turn down the stairs. Hyunjin feels the breath of fresh air when they finally make it outside, and he closes his eyes. He lifts his arms and sighs.

 

He opens his eyes again and turns to Jisung, “You’re living at home this time, right?”

 

He laughs seeing Jisung dramatically shudder as he retells his time in the dorms almost like a horror story, “Dorm was a fucking nightmare. I’m so glad that I’m done with that shit.”

 

Hyunjin shyly readjusts the strap on his shoulder, fiddling with it, “Really? I thought that it would’ve been fun..”  
  
“Maybe, if I was rooming with you or something,” Jisung just shrugs.

 

Hyunjin smiles as they approach the locker room, “I wonder if I can room with Chan..” Ignoring the groan Jisung makes, mixed with “You’re fucking whipped, dude.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Alright, huddle up.” Chan comes into the locker room, and Hyunjin is the first to line up, staring at Chan with a happy smile on his face. Every time he appears, Hyunjin feels like a puppy wagging its tail while a person hands him a toy. Chan announces, “I’m Bang Chan, the captain of the baseball team. I’ll be making all the team announcements.”

 

For a split second, they make eye contact and Hyunjin gets so happy that his smile reaches his eyes. Chan immediately looks away though, “You can use any locker that doesn’t have a name on it. Make sure to keep your locker clean. Change into your uniforms and report to the presentation room in 15 minutes.”  
  
He bolts out of the room before Hyunjin can manage to say hello to him, and that makes Hyunjin frown just a little bit. He’s completely restored though once he notices there’s an empty locker right next to Chan’s. He ignores Jisung telling him “You really are a stalker, aren’t you?” as he sets up his locker with a smile on his face.

 

In the presentation room, Hyunjin is immediately looking for where Chan is sitting. He spots him and again, ignores the passing conversation about sports magazines and calls out to him, “Chan sunbae!” Chan snaps to where the sound is coming from, and Hyunjin sits down next to him. “Mind if I sit here?”  
  
“Oh, uh..”

 

“What am I, invisible?” Minho says and Hyunjin notices a shy, blushing Jisung sitting right next to Minho. He smiles, a bit like a smirk.

 

“Of course not!” Hyunjin laughs shyly before going back to gazing at Chan’s side profile, then directing his eyes to Coach Choi and Coach Kim standing in front of the room. His nerves block out everything he’s saying, and he only manages to hear, “Now, freshmen, line up and introduce yourselves.”

 

In front of the room, Hyunjin is trying his best to come up with his introduction and Jisung notices he’s nervous. He pinches his side, giving his hand a quick squeeze and a smile, and that manages to make Hyunjin smile back at him and calm down.

 

He can hear the whispers of various seniors, talking about him. Something about being an ace pitcher, and that he must’ve chosen this school for a reason since so many other schools were trying their best to recruit him. Hyunjin smiles, staring at the reason he came to this school anyway.

 

Again, Chan makes eye contact with him. It’s for a few seconds this time, and Hyunjin dares to wave shyly at him. Chan’s eyes shot wide and he doesn’t wave back, instead returning to a conversation with Minho.

 

Then, it’s his turn to introduce himself.

 

“My name is Hwang Hyunjin,” He turns his gaze to the coaches. “And I graduated from Myungjin Junior High. I would love to be a pitcher!” Coach Kim returns his bright smile, while Coach Choi is a lot older, more cynical looking. He keeps the same grimace on his face.  “As well, I would love to be on the field with Chan sunbae. Chan, please catch my ball!”

 

Chan jolts, mouth open watching Hyunjin as he smiles wide. Quickly, blood rushes to Chan’s cheeks and he looks away and he could hear the loud facepalm that Jisung did beside him. Then he looks to his other seniors, them laughing loudly at him and someone comments loudly, “Did he just propose to Chan?”

 

Hyunjin looks down, tugging at Jisung’s hand. “Did I just say something weird?”

 

“Nah..” He mutters, muffled from the hand that’s covering his mouth, “Ignorance must be fucking bliss.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Hyunjin honestly thought that once he enrolled into Sungmoon, he’d get to spend a lot of time with Chan. Especially with Chan being a catcher and himself being a pitcher, they’d practice together right? And then, if they ended up getting along well during practice, they could become such great friends!

 

“Foul!” .. or at least that’s what Hyunjin wanted to happen. “Watch where you’re hitting, freshie!” Because every single time he got even got close to Chan during practice --

 

“Chan-” Hyunjin quips, about to land his hand on his shoulder, just seconds away from starting a conversation with him.

 

Just when Coach Kim says, “Chan, I need to see you for a bit.”

 

Even during breaks! Hyunjin had a cold water bottle in his grip tight, bound to be refreshing and good for Chan and just as he’s about to hand it to his sunbae, _boom_! “Hey Chan, could you help me with this?”

 

Hyunjin plops down on the bench next to Jisung, watching Minho from afar. He leans his face into his hand, and the water bottle falls onto the ground. That ends up catching Jisung’s attention, snapping him out of his lovey dovey daze, “What’s up with you?”

 

“I can’t even get close to Chan!” he lets out a frustrated puff, kicking his feet on the ground. “How can we become friends if I can’t get close to him?”

 

“It’s the first practice, take it slow.” Jisung says, picking up the water bottle and wiping it, before opening it up and taking a quick swig.

 

“What’s with you and Minho?” Hyunjin says, a smirk landing on his face when Jisung almost chokes on his drink.

 

“Nothing! Doesn’t matter,” Jisung says embarrassed, but his expression quickly changes, “But something isn’t right with his arm, though.”

 

“What?”

 

“Look,” He points out on the field where Chan and Minho are practicing, and he watches him carefully as he pitches. Sharp, precise but it's wobby. He watches as what he can presume Minho hisses in pain, and his other hand latches onto his shoulder. He’s sweating a lot more than he should, as well. He doesn't look alright.

 

Then, Chan pauses and jogs up to him. They talk about something and he can see Minho shaking his head, trying to reassure Chan with a not so reassuring smile. He wishes he could know what they were talking about, but Chan just seems to shake it off.

 

“You should tell your boy to watch his shoulder. He doesn't look too well.” He teases his friend with a cheeky smile.

 

“He’s not my boy!” Jisung hits Hyunjin’s side, laughing.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Hyunjin finally sees the number he’s been looking for since he entered the dormitory. ‘307’, and a pile of boxes in front of the room. Hyunjin smiles, unlocking the door and slowly moving the boxes inside.

 

The dorm is a lot bigger than what he expected it would be. It’s only 2 beds and 2 desks, one bed being messy and a couple of old pyjamas laying across it. Right next to the bed is the desk, minimalistic. It only has a couple of books, two boxes with a wolf plushie on top of one of them, a notebook, a laptop and a cellphone, but what catches his eye is the two baseball bats.

 

 _Another baseball player..! Ah, maybe he’ll take my mind off Chan.._ Hyunjin plops down on his bed, tired from practice, he closes his eyes. He can hear his roommate having a shower in the other room, so he sighs and just lets the silence overcome him. It’s calming, he’s almost starting to fall asleep when he can hear the shower stop. A minute or two later, the door clicks.

 

He opens his eyes and stretches, getting up. “Hyunjin?”

 

He jumps, thinking the amount of thoughts he has about him on the daily made him have a hallucination, but no, Chan is actually standing right in front of him. “Chan!”

 

“What are you doing here?” Chan says, his pink towel wrapped around his neck almost falling from the shock.

 

“Are you my roommate, sunbae?” Hyunjin exclaims happily, giggling. He gets up and claps excitedly, “I’m so happy!” Then, Hyunjin makes the sudden realization that Chan is also shirtless. He blushes, but out of at least trying to save his dignity he stares into Chan’s eyes. Still, out of his peripheral view he can see his chest and he looks at it every couple of split seconds.

 

Chan grimaces, squeezing the bridge of his nose. “Okay, we have to have some ground rules.” Chan moves over to his desk, and fishes out black tape. He rips it open and places a long piece of it on the ground, ripping the end with his teeth. “You can never cross this line while I’m asleep, alright?”

 

“Channie,” Hyunjin whines, sulking. “You don’t actually think of me as a stalker, do you?”

 

Chan says nothing back, but only wiggles his finger. “Don’t call me Channie. Also, you can never be too sure. I’m gonna go dry my hair now.”

 

He turns his back to Hyunjin, only getting his hairdryer and returning to the bathroom. Hyunjin smiles and grabs his phone, typing at light speed.

 

puppy [8:35 pm]

chan is my roommate!!!!!!!!!!!!! TT

 

jiji [8:36 pm]

oh damn

get some

 

puppy [8:37 pm]

HEY

I DON’T LIKE CHAN LIKE THT T~T

 

jiji [8:38 pm]

sure u don’t buddy

 

puppy [8:38 pm]

u LIKE MINHO!!!!!!!!!!

 

jiji [8:38 pm]

shUTUPSBSSBSKBSJSNS

 

puppy [8:39 pm]

i’m getting u nd him tgt if it’s the last thing i do >:))))

 

jiji [8:39 pm]

sigh

i’m getting u w chan then

 

puppy [8:40 pm]

shut ur mouth T~T

 

jiji [8:41 pm]

>:) <333

 

puppy [8:42 pm]

!!!!!!!! <3333333

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Get up..” Chan steadily shakes Hyunjin, but realizes way too quickly that the kid is a heavy sleeper. He backs away, and feels the tape on his bare feet. _Should I leave without him? Nah, that would be mean._ “Hyunjin, get up!” Chan starts shaking him again.

 

“Channie…” He mutters, muffled by the pillow. “Can’t I snooze for a bit longer..”

 

“Told you not to call me that.” Hyunjin slowly opens his eyes, not liking how hard Chan is shaking him. “Come on, you’ll be late to cla-”

 

Chan stumbles down when he tugs on his arm, and he comes falling down and lands in Hyunjin’s bed. A few moments, Chan stays silent in shock. And then, a punch comes to Hyunjin’s cheek.

 

“Channie!” He whimpers, holding his cheek, now at least 50% awake. “What was that?”

 

“Wake up. You’re going to be late for class.” Chan says simply before the door clicks, and he knows he’s gone. Hyunjin retreats into his T-shirt, and he feels his luck running out. It’s great to be rooming with Chan! But they can't really be called friends… and more importantly, Hyunjin has made almost zero progress when it comes to being on the mound with Bang Chan.

 

‘’Fuck,” Hyunjin sighs and slowly, his eyes flutter shut.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Hey freshman!” One of his sunbaes comes up to Hyunjin during stretching and sits down next to him, and Hyunjin already feels that this is going to be bad. “So, you’re rooming with the captain huh? So what, is it your guys’ honeymoon suite or what?”  
  
“Knock it off,” Hyunjin mutters, embarrassment already showing in his cheeks.

 

“Hyunjin is right, knock it off.” Chan says showing up behind them, making Hyunjin and his sunbae jump. He smacks the back of the sunbae’s head, “Quit yacking and go to practice, and stop bothering Hyunjin.”

 

“Channie-”

 

“Don’t call me that.” Chan does his round of scolding to Hyunjin, but it’s enough just to tell him that with no slap or anything to make Hyunjin pout and retreat into himself like a whimpering puppy. He’s so cold.. It feels weird.

 

Coach Kim grabs his attention before he could continue being pouty, “Hwang, if you’re done warming up, go ahead and throw some balls. Coach Choi and I want to see how you pitch.”

 

Hyunjin smiles and nods, “Yes, coach!”

 

Hyunjin takes a deep breath, standing in front of the catcher - a good one at that, a junior named Minseok - and he always does this. He always does this so why is this time different? Well, except for the fact that the person he wants to play with so badly it might kill him is watching him, everything else is the same. Same air hitting his face, and yeah maybe the glove he’s wearing is borrowed from Jisung but it’s the same thing, right?

 

A fastball. He can pitch a fastball. He’s done it so many times before and he practiced it with - never mind. He reels back, and before he can start to overthink about it way too much than he has already done, he pitches. He’s brought his good stuff, yeah.

 

Then, the ball hits the glove and the sound booms through the gymnasium. Nervously, he goes back into his standing position. He turns his head to the coaches and Coach Kim gives him a thumbs up. Then, the whispers start.

 

The whispers have always made him nervous. It washes away effectively once he sees Bang Chan, and he waves to him. “Channie!” The whispers don’t even matter when Chan is visibly stunned, soft pink mouth wide open and his dark eyes wide. “Did you think that was good?”  
  
“I did,” He goes back to his usual, cold self quickly but Hyunjin positively does not mind. At all, even when he says, “But don’t get rowdy in here. Your upperclassmen are watching, Hyunjin.”

  
“I understand!” Hyunjin quips back, “What’s important to me is that you think I pitch well. Maybe even well enough to play with you, huh?”  
  
Chan laughs, not in a bitter manner. It’s more of fond, light and like a giggle. It makes Hyunjin smile so wide his cheeks might rip. “We’ll see about that.”

 

That’s the moment Hyunjin catches the way Minho, who was standing right next to Chan the entire time, was looking at him. Chan laughed fondly, but Minho looked at him with malice. It’s like he’s crying bright green, poisonous tears with little skulls oozing out of them like bubbles. Hyunjin raises his eyebrows, backing down once Minho turns to Chan. Then, his gaze turns soft. Less poison tears and more flowers.

 

Huh.

 

Jisung pats him on the back once Hyunjin sits down on the bench with him, ruffles his hair a bit and smiles at him. But he’s still thinking about Minho’s poison tears which leads him to sparing a look at him. Nothing. It’s all flowers while he’s laughing and joking around with Chan and their mutual friends only 15 feet away.

 

Then, Minho catches Hyunjin’s gaze. The flowers wilt and the blooming petals die like roadkill, a grizzly and sudden death. He turns away immediately. “Have you noticed the way Minho looks at me?”  
  
“Yeah..” Jisung hums, “I think he’s not too fond of your ambition of wanting to play with Chan.”  
  
“Why though?” Hyunjin leans back, boring his gaze into the back of another freshman pitcher, but he’s not paying attention to his pitch at all. Not one bit.

 

“You playing with Chan will mean that he won’t be on the pitcher’s mound, you will,” Jisung says simply. Hyunjin dares to look at Minho again, and they lock eyes once more. Hyunjin does his best to return the same cyanide tears Minho’s crying.

 

“Too bad.”

 

“The weekend league’s schedule is up!” Chan suddenly exclaims in the middle of Jonghoon’s pitch, and they all turn to him. One by one, they start crowding around him and his friends. “Our first game is on March 25th!”  It’s March 12th.

 

“Fuck.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Channie!” Hyunjin exclaims, running up to Chan while he has his back turned to him. “I’m ready now!! We can finally be on the field together!”

 

“Hyunjin, you should know,” Chan turns around and it feels off. Something about his smile feels off even if it’s the same as yesterday, when he laughed fondly at Hyunjin. Same crescents and same dimples, but something just isn’t right. Something about the bouquet of roses he’s holding in his hands isn’t right. “I just graduated!”

 

“What?”  
  
“It was fun,” That’s right. It’s too warm. Too warm. The panic rising in his chest is too fucking warm and too sudden. “Even though we haven’t played a single game together.”

 

Then, the panic gets to him and he wakes up. Immediately, Hyunjin shoots up and feels the sweat drip on his forehead. “Fuck me.” He sighs, exasperated and falls back onto his pillow again. He notices that Chan is gone, again.

 

Although it’s not like Hyunjin is lacking passion or motivation to work hard, he also doesn’t get just how hard Chan works. If Hyunjin has enough passion for the next two people and himself, then Chan has enough for the next 15. It’s insane, right? It’s not like the coaches tell him to go on a run every morning. He remembers the morning they met - even then, Chan was swift and sharp and he was nearing the end of his run.

 

Hyunjin smiles, almost like a proud mother. That’s exactly the reason why he looks up to him so much. But what’s more important than Chan basically being a walking role model athlete, is Hyunjin being able to catch up to his skill. Maybe he can’t be as good as Chan right now, but he has to be at least good enough to go on the mound with him, whether Lee Minho likes that or not.

 

“I should ask him to go on runs with him.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Beep, beep, beep!  
  
“Shit!” Hyunjin shoots up and obviously startles Chan, almost making him stumble. He turns to Chan, and exclaims, “Chan, please wait a bit! I want to go on runs with you!”  
  
“Hyunjin?” Chan laughs, like he’s brushing him off, “You can barely get up in the morning, let alone go on a run with me. Are you sure?”

 

“Yes!” Hyunjin is already jumping out of bed before Chan can shut him out. “Just wait until I brush my teeth and get a quick breakfast, okay?” Hyunjin is changing out of his pajamas and putting his hoodie on, then stumbling into the bathroom.

 

“You have to run 5 steps behind me though.”

 

Hyunjin peaks his head out, a toothbrush in his mouth while some of the toothpaste foam is around his mouth, only being able to muster a “Huh?”

 

“No weird things, got it?” Chan points a stern finger at him and Hyunjin nods back, a drop of foam dropping on the floor.

 

“Of course, Channie!” Hyunjin says after washing his mouth out.

 

“Don’t call me that.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Running with Chan is a bit like eating ice cream when you have a cold. You don't expect to be such a bad idea when you take the first couple of licks but then slowly and slowly you get to the bottom of the cone and life is nothing but a meaningless husk and now your cold is worse than before. Sure, he knew Chan was fast. He saw it before with his eyes many times, Chan is one speedy motherfucker.

 

What he did not expect though was Chan being this fast. For the fact of the matter, he also didn't expect for Chan to have this much stamina. They’re half way through to getting to the park and Hyunjin is already struggling. Chan turns his head for only a moment to look at Hyunjin and calls out to him, “You good?”

 

“I’m good!” _I think I lost about 6 braincells on my way here but yeah, I’m good man. Has he seriously been doing this for 3 years? That has to be a joke._

 

“Hard, huh?” Chan says with only a few huffs here and there, while Hyunjin is leaning his hands on his knees for support.

 

“It’s not hard at all..!” Well, considering his current stance that’s debatable.

 

He looks up when Chan says, “Oh, look at the time,” Chan looks the same right now as when they first started running, the only difference is that there’s more sweat dripping down his forehead. Yet he doesn't look tired at all. “We have morning practice right now.”

 

“Right now?” Hyunjin is still trying to catch his breath.

 

“Yeah. It’s the weekend, don’t even try thinking Coach Choi is gonna let you off that easy.” Chan laughs, and it’s a bit warmer than before. He likes it. “I’m gonna go back. You can stay here for a bit if you’re tired, Hyunjin.”

 

“No, wait for me!”

  
  
  
  
  
  


“What the hell are you doing, Hyunjin?” Jisung comments at practice, when Hyunjin just barely managed to catch the ball he was throwing.

 

Hyunjin huffs, wincing when he pitched the ball back. “I’m tired..”

 

“From what?” Jisung is sharp, but not in the intellectual aspect. “Practice just started.”

 

“I went on a run with Chan.”

 

This time, Jisung didn't catch the ball correctly because he was simply laughing too much to do so. Hyunjin huffed in embarrassment. “I can barely wake you up in the morning and yet, you woke up before practice to go on a run with him? Fuck, you’ve got it bad.”

 

“Told you,” Hyunjin walks over and bends down to pick the ball back up, “I don't feel that way towards Chan. I just want to play baseball with him.”

 

Jisung smiles at him skeptically, scrunching his nose in muffled laughter, “You sure do, huh.” He takes his starting position again once Hyunjin reels back, waiting for him to pitch. “It must be hard though, you're training with a senior. You think you can keep it up?”

 

Hyunjin catches the ball, swift, sharp, “I have to if I want him to notice me.” Reels it back, ready to throw, “I came all this fucking way to Sungmoon for him, I’ll eat my goddamn glove if I can’t handle a morning run with him.” Jisung noticed that Hyunjin pitched really fucking hard after saying that. An emotionally charged throw, didn't expect anything less from him when Hyunjin is positively emotional.

 

“Alright tough guy,” Jisung snickers. “Watch where you’re throwing.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Channie, it’s my birthday today,” Hyunjin smiles at him widely once they had woken up. It’s a weekend day and they have practice in an hour or two.

 

“Oh,” Chan mutters while he’s rubbing his eyes from sleep, “Happy birthday.”

 

“Thanks!!” Hyunjin stares at him. “Will you get me anything?”

 

“Maybe.”

 

After practice, he found a bottle of banana milk in his locker with the note that read, “Happy birthday. Again. This time with banana milk. Haha - Chan”. To say that he was happy was probably an understatement.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Hyunjin saw from the lines on his face that when Hyunjin woke up earlier than him, ready to go on their run, Chan was surprised. Considering Hyunjin’s history of barely getting up before 10 am Hyunjin is also a bit surprised with himself. Guess that’s that passion flowing through his veins.

 

Even after two weeks, right around the corner of March 25th - their first game - he still ran with Chan every morning. Didn't even skip before practice. Hell, he wasn't struggling to keep up anymore and he looked less tired at the end of every morning.

 

“Where’s everyone else?” Hyunjin said, looking at Chan for guidance since the gymnasium was basically empty.

 

Chan hummed, “Something about ice cream at Building B… they’ll be gone for a while, I think.”

 

Hyunjin nodded, “Ah alright, I’ll be shadow pitching on my own then.”

 

Before Hyunjin could turn around and start ruffling through his bag, looking for his towel, Chan called out for him. “Hey Hyunjin,” He immediately snapped his head back around at the sound of his name. Chan looked nervous, almost uncomfortable with a hand rubbing at his neck. “Do you wanna throw the ball? Together, I mean? It’s just the two of us and we can do it until the others get back. We have plenty of time and all.”

 

There's no fucking way Hyunjin just experienced that. Is Chan possibly even _blushing_? No, no way. “Pinch me.”

 

“What?”

 

“I’m dreaming, aren't I?”

 

Chan laughs loudly, leaning forward to pinch Hyunjin’s cheek. Hyunjin winces then laughs in absolute joy once he lets go, and starts happily singsonging, “I’m gonna go get my glove, Channie!”

 

“It’s just catch, and I’ve told you not to call me that!” There’s no bite in his tone though. Just like his laugh, his slight smile, only showing a glimpse of his dimples, is fond and light. Maybe Hyunjin is happier than he should be at that.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The day before the game, Chan says something to Hyunjin that makes his jaw drop.

 

“Did I do something wrong?” Hyunjin tugs at his hand but Chan brushes him off.

 

“I just want to go on a run tomorrow by myself, that’s all,” Chan smiles with pity, placing his hand on Hyunjin’s shoulder reassuringly. “I want to think on my own. And you should know this from Junior High, but rest is also a part of your training. Pitching is demanding and you’ll burn yourself out tomorrow if you go with me and we don't want that happening.”

 

“But Channie-”

 

“No Channies and no buts either.” Chan sighs, folding his arms, “Rest. I appreciate your endless amounts of enthusiasm, but seriously. I just want to be alone for a bit, I think.”

  
  
  
  


“For all that griping,” Chan says, tying his shoes at the door while looking back at a sleeping, peaceful Hyunjin, “He sure is sleeping like a baby.”

 

Chan locks the door behind him, and once he’s out the door, he sees Minho stretching outside. He smiles, “Minho! It’s game day and you’re going for a run?”

 

“Think it’s just my nerves, only slept for a couple of hours,” Minho stretches his back, then smiles at Chan, “So I thought whilst I’m still awake, I could go for a run, you know?”

 

Chan laughs, noticing the cold morning air making Minho pink. He puts a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it tight, “Lemme know if you think you’re gonna pass out, alright?”

 

“Ha ha,” Minho scrunches his nose with malice, sticking his tongue out at Chan. “Very funny.” Chan laughs loudly.

 

Chan doesn't know why his definition of alone turned out to be just ‘alone with Minho’, but he doesn't mind. Also doesn't mind sitting at a bench next to vending machines and drinking hot chocolate with him. Minho is familiar, “Do you remember that promise we made two years ago?” Chan says. “That we’d win Nationals together before we graduated?” Maybe it’s too familiar but it’s just Minho.

 

“That’s embarrassing,” Minho quips, holding his cup close to his hands to keep them warm, “You still remember stuff like that?”

 

“Well yeah,” Chan turns to look at a tree in the distance. Doesn't know why, but he could never look anyone in the eyes when they’re having a moment like this. “I was thinking that this might be the last season we play together. We might meet in college or as pros, but we won’t be on the same team most likely.” It makes it too personal.

 

He takes a swing of his chocolate, then turns to Minho only for a moment and smiles. He notices that Minho really can't handle the cold, from all the redness in his cheeks. “So let’s win the Nationals, yeah?”

 

“Yeah.” Minho smiles, and they both turn away. Familiar, yet Chan doesn't know exactly what’s going through his mind at the same time.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Sungmoon High and Il-weol High will be kicking off this year’s weekend league,” Hyunjin listens from the bench, his knee going up and down up and down like a seesaw, “Looks like all the players are pretty tense considering this is the first game of the season. Not just that, Sungmoon has one of the top 5 baseball teams in the country, don't they? A lot of pressure there.”

 

“Hyunjin, _Hyunjin_!” Jisung slams his hand down on Hyunjin’s knee, preventing it from bouncing. “Calm down, dude! Nothing is going to happen to your boyfriend.” Guess Jisung noticed Hyunjin basically burning holes into the back of Chan’s cap, and the way he cried acid tears when Chan and Minho talked before the game.

 

“Not my boyfriend,” Hyunjin mutters, already starting to sweat just from stress. “I’m just worried about.. your boyfriend, though. You know his shoulder isn’t doing the best.” Hyunjin bites the end of his index finger’s nail, trying to keep himself calm. “If he fucks up, who knows what will happen? Not to even mention that I still want to be on the field with Chan.”

 

What ended up happening was a clean strikeout and an easy win. Chan says it’s because Il-weol’s baseball team was only formed 2 years ago, so they won based on the situation and luck being on their side. But even at the end, when they’re just about to head back, Hyunjin stays. He stares out into the field and that same passion is burning inside of him. ‘I want to play with Chan.’

 

“Hyunjin?” And coincidentally, Chan is what snaps him out of his daze. “C’mon, you’ll be left behind.”

 

Hyunjin smiles back at Chan, and readjusts the bags on his shoulders. “I’m coming, Channie!”

 

Chan laughs lightly. He never laughs or acknowledges Hyunjin in a fond manner when everyone else is around, which is why it feels so private and raw. Like his laughter and his dimples are only for Hyunjin to see. “Don’t call me that.” Chan smiles, and turns around. Hyunjin smiles, and follows after him like he always does.

  
  


Their win against Il-weol was 5:4, close but that strikeout pulled them through. The next day, 9:6 against Hanjin Design. A laughably easy win considering their defense was shit. The next weekend, on Saturday April 1st, 7:4 against Kyung-sang and also a plastic snake down Hyunjin’s shirt, courtesy of Jisung. Today it’s against Bok-jung.

 

“Any seniors and juniors will know from our match 2 years ago in semi-finals,” Coach Choi announces to the team in the Presentation Room. “Bokjung has great offense, which means our defense has to be greater.” Minho, as the key defense player, bit his lip in nervousness. Hyunjin spared him a look, considering he was 2 seats away. The only person that separated Hyunjin and Minho was Chan.

 

Minho is a fire, and he is going to burn out from pressure.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“..and we’re already at the 5th Inning between Bokjung and Sungmoon!” Hyunjin is getting either more nervous or less nervous with every match. He knows they’re going to win, he’s not nervous about that at all. “Sungmoon’s pitcher looks worn out. We’re only halfway through this league and we’re already learning the importance of good conditioning.”

 

“Ball!” Even Jisung is looking nervous now, unsure of will Minho even make it out. “We need a strikeout,” he mutters and Hyunjin nods.

 

Minho reels back, pitches and the ball hits the bat and bounces off. “There goes a line drive!” The announcer exclaimed over the speakers, and Hyunjin physically feels sick. “Meanwhile, Bokjung’s Im Sanghyung makes it home from the 3rd.” It’s 4 against 1 for Bokjung, and Minho needs to make a fastball. He doesn't look too well either.

 

Minho reels back, and pitches. What's different about this time though, is that Minho’s shoulder gives out midway through.

 

His fastball becomes a dive ball and instead of hitting Chan’s glove, it hits the abdomen of the batter instead. Hyunjin’s jaw drops even further down to the ground once Minho falls, clutching his shoulder.

 

“And it seems as though Lee Minho has pushed himself too hard,” The announcer claims. Chan immediately runs over and helps him up and back to the dugout, and the 5th Inning is over. The game still hasn't been decided yet, but by the looks of it, without Minho - they are going to lose.

 

Jisung and Hyunjin run over to the dugout where Coach Kim is holding Minho’s shoulder. “It’s too risky for him to continue pitching. It’s best to go straight to the hospital for treatment.”

 

“No,” Minho stands up but almost falls down and winces, “I can still throw.”

 

“I won’t allow it.” Coach Choi says sternly and Hyunjin can feel his skin crawling with spiders.

 

“I can still throw! I just need to ice my shoulder and I’ll be _fine_ -” Minho insists but only a fool would think that Coach Choi would give in.

 

“No.”

 

“If I don’t pitch,” Minho snarls, “Then who will?”

 

Coach Choi turns his head and looks directly into Hyunjin’s eyes, “Hwang Hyunjin, get on the mound.” He can smell the acid pouring out of Minho’s eyes.

  
  


“Hyunjin, come here,” Chan tugs at Hyunjin’s hand and Hyunjin blushes under his cap. “You gotta learn the signals, keep quiet.”

 

Hyunjin was responding to the questions that Chan was asking like what curveballs does he know, but he’s mostly focused on how close Chan is. Also focusing on Chan’s hand right on the bridge between his neck and shoulder, and Hyunjin is so red that he thinks he might get a nosebleed. He’s so close that Hyunjin might die. “Got that?”

 

“Yeah.” Hyunjin smiles softly at him, “Trust me, Channie.”

 

Chan seems to want to say something by the opening and closing of his mouth, but he ends up muttering something and just going back to his mound. Hyunjin smiles at Chan brightly but he doesn't smile back. That’s okay because Chan is focusing. Chan wants to win - and Hyunjin will do everything to get his win.

 

Hyunjin sees Chan’s signal - two fingers down, a strong first pitch. Hyunjin smiles, realizing he’s currently on the mound with his Channie and this is his first pitch. He reels back, a bright smile on his face and naturally adjusts his elbow. He throws it and -

 

“Strike!” He saw the surprise and the slight pink on Chan’s cheeks beneath his mask, and out of pure instinct, Hyunjin winks at him. He mouths, ‘I told you to trust me!’

 

Chan looks a bit starstruck, a bit out of it but he shakes his head and continues. Hyunjin reels back again once he gets the ball, and focuses less on Chan and more on getting the positioning right. Reels back, adjusts his elbow and -

 

“Strike!” Hyunjin laughs at the frustrated look of the batter. This is good. He focuses more and more, noticing the batter’s position, he adjusts the pitch to a curveball. ‘Veer on the inside..’

 

“Ball!”

 

He can see the thinking face of Chan under his mask, and then he sees his pinky out. He has to throw another curveball on the inside. He nods, he trusts Chan’s judgement more than anything. Two strikes, one ball. Just a bit more, Hyunjin. For Channie.

 

The batter pops his bat too high and the out catcher catches it just in time, “Out!”

 

Hyunjin gets greeted with flooding love once he gets out and all of his sunbaes ruffle his hair and try tickling him once he’s inside the bullpen. “Man, you’re just full of surprises aren’t you?!” Hyunjin laughs, his cheeks almost ripping and he retrieves his cap from where it fell on the ground, and his sunbaes huddle up.

 

“C’mon! We gotta score some points too, let’s not let the freshman do all the work!” The rest of them respond to the sunbae pepping up with loud cheers and Hyunjin laughs. Jisung comes up from behind him, scaring him and making him laugh even harder. They hug and Jisung almost knocks him over with his bone crushing hug.

 

“Guess all that running with Chan sunbae really paid off, huh?” Hyunjin nods, still in Jisung’s embrace and letting little giggles out.

 

“Sungmoon High’s players are fired up and are really turning this game around!” He looks at the scoreboard, 6 to 5. “We’re at the bottom of the 9th Inning - if Sungmoon hold out for this, they might just win!”

 

Once he’s back on the mound, he smiles with determination, looking at Chan’s eyes and Chan’s eyes only. They’re pulling him in once more, and they’re telling him to _win_. That’s exactly what he’s gonna do for him. Chan’s eyes are telling him to give it his all, to give Bokjung hell. He reels back, and knows that as long as Bang Chan is right on the mound with him, there’s nothing to worry about.

 

“Strike! You’re out! A final score of 6 to 5! Sungmoon High takes the win!”

 

He doesn't notice Bokjung’s batter hitting the ground with his bat, Hyunjin does notice the happy smile on Chan’s face and his warm, loud laughter when he takes his mask off. Hyunjin runs up to Chan and picks him up, Chan pressing his palms into Hyunjin’s shoulders for balance. “Woah!”

 

“Channie!” Hyunjin laughs. “We won!!”

 

“Could you put me down? And don’t call me Channie, for the last _fucking_ time Hyunjin!”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


In class the next day, Hyunjin stretches and yawns, tears forming at the end of his eyes. Hyunjin passed out last night in bed after coming home and eating, but he does remember this morning being woken up by Chan’s voice. He patted his head, and said in a soft voice, “You did good, Hyunjin.” Well, that was either a really soft moment coming from Chan or just a lucid dream. Hyunjin still really, really liked it though.

 

“Hyunjin,” his class president calls out to him, snapping him out of it. “Could you help me get some materials down from the music room to the 3rd floor?”

 

“Yes!” Hyunjin immediately gets up, because he knows the 3rd floor is where the seniors are - and where the seniors are, Chan is. He shakes Jisung up from his dozing off, “Jiji! There’s lots of materials, so help us out would you?”

 

Jisung groans audibly.

  
  


“This couldn't be done without your help,” she smiles at him with her hands full with a box of sheet music.

 

“Don’t mention it!” Then, he can see Chan drinking strawberry milk in his classroom and he runs up to the window and knocks on it. “Channie!!” Chan almost chokes on his milk, his eyes going wide at Hyunjin. He grabs his strawberry milk and walks outside his classroom. The first thing he noticed is that even before he starts talking, he’s coughing a lot.

 

“What are you doing he-”

 

“Chan, have you caught a cold?” Hyunjin leaves the boxes on the floor, and leans towards Chan. He presses the back of his hand against Chan’s forehead, “I think you have a fever!” He also notices how flushed his face is, his cheeks are bright red.

 

Chan’s eyes suddenly went wide and he pushes Hyunjin away, grabs the boxes and pushes them into Hyunjin’s hands. “I’m fine - you should go!” He nervously laughs, “You could get in trouble.”

 

“But -”

 

“Go, up the stairs, c’mon!”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“He just pushed you away like that?” Jisung hums inside of the locker room, “That’s strange. Were you doing anything weird?”

 

“I just pressed my hand to his forehead, he had a fever..” Hyunjin readjusts his socks, putting his shirt over the black shirt he had on.

“Hmm, there were probably some stooges nearby. You being on his floor with presumably no reason, and the whole thing about yesterday’s game, it would look like you’re dating.” Jisung places his cap on his head, leaving his glasses inside of his locker. Hyunjin doesn't know why Chan not wanting to look like they’re dating really doesn't sit well with him. “Or he just doesn't like physical contact.” If that’s the case, then that makes Hyunjin feel just a bit better.

 

“Listen up,” Their heads snap to Chan at the front of the locker room. “The coaches are having a meeting so we’re on our own today. Freshmen and seniors have the training room, sophomores and juniors have the gym.” Hyunjin frowns, Chan’s face still looks flushed and he looks like he’s been sweating a lot.

 

“Chan,” His head jolts to Hyunjin when he calls him out, pressing a hand to his neck. Chan’s eyes turn wide at the physical touch, like he’s not used to it one bit, “You’re boiling! There’s no way you can practice today.”

 

“The coaches are gone, I can’t just leave.” Chan frowns, pressing a tissue to his forehead to dry the sweat. “I’m fine, I’ll just power through it.” Like Hyunjin will allow that.

 

“Fine my ass.” Hyunjin takes his hand, and Chan’s mouth opens, about to object but he stumbles into Hyunjin. “See? Let’s go check your temperature.”

  
  
  
  


“A temperature over 38 degrees and you’re claiming you’re fine,” Coach Kim says with a stern finger pointing at a frowning, upset Chan. He insists on staying and being with the team, but Hyunjin knows that Coach Kim will force him to go back to the dorms and that makes feel Hyunjin feel glad. The coach then turns out to Hyunjin, “Hwang, make sure he gets to the dorm and doesn't watch any gameday videos. Make sure he actually rests since you're roommates.”

 

“Yes, coach!” Hyunjin nods vigorously, happy to help out with Chan.

 

He leaves the room and Chan barely gets up before Hyunjin is already picking him up. “Hyunjin!”

 

“You can barely get up, you think I’ll just let you walk?” Chan is too tired to object, and ends up nuzzling his face in the crook of Hyunjin’s neck. Hyunjin blushes and he feels warm, but knows it’s probably just because Chan currently feels like a human heater. He ignores the weird and awkward stares of people passing by, and just focuses on getting to the dorm.

 

Chan is already dozing off by the time they get to his bed, and Hyunjin gently places him down and makes sure he’s wrapped up in blankets. When he wakes up, Hyunjin has a bag full of medicine and food. “Channie, sit up. You gotta eat before taking your medicine.”

 

He pulls out strawberry milk and a tupperware container with soup, and a list of medicines with complicated names. “Don’t call me Channie..”

 

“Yeah, yeah I know, but eat your soup first.” Hyunjin knows that it annoys Chan when he explicitly calls him Channie, but it’s just his way of showing affection. Maybe.

 

“Why did you bring strawberry milk?” Chan coughs, and takes the container being careful not to spill it.

 

“I thought it would make you feel better.” Hyunjin smiles softly, and Chan stops and looks up at Hyunjin. There’s something unreadable and misty in his eyes, almost like tears but he blinks them away. He looks away, careful not to spill tears.

 

“Aren’t you going to leave?” Chan mutters in between taking bites of his soup, and there's still that same mistiness there. It confuses Hyunjin a bit - the way it clouds Chan’s eyes, and he’s so sure that it looks like he’s going to cry his eyes out. He doesn't want to pry, but he wants to ask. Hyunjin has a feeling he’ll just say, “It’s fine”. Because it always is, according to Bang Chan.

 

“I’m going to leave once I know you feel better,” He takes the container from Chan, and Chan lays down. His face is still flushed.

 

“Just make sure to go back, alright? Good night…” Hyunjin has never heard Chan speak softer, but he guesses it’s the warmth of the blankets and how tired his body is.

 

“Good night, Channie.” He replies just as softly, and Chan doesn't bother to repeat again not to call him that. He smiles.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Chan grew up alone.

 

It’s not his fault obviously that he had to grow up and care for himself so fast. Chan had a mom and dad that worked as surgeons, so they were mostly never home. Even when they promised something - like going to a baseball game for his birthday - they never followed through with it. Chan is still grateful for them and what they did, they raised him to be who he is. Well, not really. More like just their absence raised him.

 

That’s also why a lot of Chan’s childhood memories are sitting at home, alone, watching baseball and waiting for his parents to come home. That’s also why Chan never wanted to burden anyone with his sickness or anything, really. He’d just shut up about it and power through it like always.

 

The reason why Chan almost started crying his eyes out when Hyunjin said, “I thought it would make you feel better.” to the question “Why did you bring me strawberry milk?” is that, his parents would always leave him strawberry milk when he wasn’t feeling well. He never had anyone take care of him in a long time, either.

 

Hyunjin staying and making sure that Chan was alright, even falling asleep because he was looking after him for so long, means so much more to Chan than he’d ever admit. As a child, Chan eventually got used to getting better on his own. He never got attached to toys, to old baseball equipment, to people. It was always just himself against the world, facing his troubles alone.

 

Which is why his sudden growing attachment to Hyunjin confused him so much. He doesn't understand why it seems like he’d actually trust Hyunjin with his troubles.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Gah! Coach, I promise I didn't skip yesterday I was just looking after Chan Sunbae-”

 

“And you expect me to believe that!” Coach Kim is a nasty son of a bitch when he gets mad. He looks like he was close to ripping Hyunjin’s head off with devil horns growing on his head.

 

“Coach!” Chan jogged over to get in between them, his back towards Hyunjin. “I really, really wasn't feeling well so I asked Hyunjin to stay with me.”

 

“Well..” His devilish, angry red horns disappeared slowly. Fucking favouritism works miracles. “That must’ve been some cold. Do you feel better?”

 

“Yes! Especially after Hyunjin got me medicine and everything, he really helped me.” Chan smiled sweetly, a bit fake at Coach Kim.

 

He sighed, squeezing the bridge between his nose. “Alright. Tell everyone to gather in the presentation room.”

 

Once he left, Chan turned around and smiled genuinely this time at Hyunjin. He ruffled his hair, Hyunjin turning pink. “That’s for yesterday. Thanks, Hyunjin.” He ignores Chan shouting “Guys, meet at the presentation room!” and instead, stands there starstruck and red. His hand goes up to run his fingers through his hair, and he smiles softly. He likes these types of surprises.

 

What was unexpected though, was seeing the new starting lineup. It was crowded and rowdy inside of the presentation room, but once Hyunjin entered they went silent. They clear the path and he feels weird. Like something is wrong.

 

And then he sees it. “Starting Lineup. 1st year, 21, Hwang Hyunjin.”

 

With an erased Lee Minho under it.

 

Fuck.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Hyunjin already feels the pressure creeping up on him. He knows he should feel ecstatic that he’s on the roaster for the next game, but the fact is he doesn't. This puts him in such a fucking awkward position, considering Jisung’s growing crush on Minho. He would be great right now if it just wasn't for that.

 

His face is warm. He should go to the bathroom.

 

He stands in front of the mirror and faces himself. At the beginning of the semester, Chan thought he was a stalker and he was nowhere near getting to the roaster with him. Now, Chan and him are friends. Chan allowed him to take care of him when he was sick. Chan allowed him to pick him up after a victory. Chan willingly ruffles his hair and told him that he did a good job. Chan and him practiced together. Bang Chan and Hwang Hyunjin are friends.

 

But before that, Hwang Hyunjin and Han Jisung are best friends. Jisung taped his bruised knee with colourful stickers and band aids when they were young just to calm Hyunjin down. Jisung didn't judge him for the fact that Hyunjin liked dolls as a young boy. Jisung played dressup with Hyunjin. Jisung is the first person he tells when he has a crush. Jisung helped him explore his sexuality when he was 11 because he was confused and afraid. Hwang Hyunjin and Han Jisung are best friends.

 

Lee Minho cries poison tears because he never wanted Hyunjin to be on the roaster. And Minho is coincidentally the one person that Jisung is romantically interested in.

 

He smells the acid and he opens his eyes. He sees out of the corner of the bathroom mirror, Lee Minho.

 

He backs away from the sink and turns around to look at Minho directly. He bites his lip, not knowing what to say. “Is your arm doing better?”

 

“How my arm is doing is none of your fucking business.” Minho snarls at him, then comes closer. “So? Are you happy that you finally took what you always wanted?”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“Just look at the way you look at Chan.” Minho turns around, “You like him and you took him away from me. Nice job.”

 

Click.

 

And, he’s gone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“We don’t have a lot of time until the next weekend,” Coach Choi says once he pulled Chan and Hyunjin aside. “But, you guys worked well together under pressure and you both did a good job.”

 

They nod, although Chan spares a look at Hyunjin. Guess nothing passes under his radar, even Hyunjin’s stress. Great. “But, Hyunjin, since you’re a freshman you’re going to be assigned to a special training program. Are you ready?” It should be honestly very, very concerning that Coach Choi looks happiest when he’s putting his athletes through extra torture.

 

He grimaces, knowing his coach would smack him upside the head for the thought he just had, “I’m ready!”

 

“Heh. I like your attitude.” Coach Choi smiles at them, a rare occasion since he’s mostly either yelling at them or grimacing with his bitch face.

 

Funny story though: Hyunjin was not ready for the special fucking training program.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Okay, there’s no way that Coach Choi’s special training program is that bad,” Chan says, laughing at Hyunjin who just smushed his face in his mattress upon arriving home. “There’s no way he’s that cruel.”  
  
Muffled because of his lips being in complete contact with the mattress, saying, “It’s that fucking bad. I wanna rest..”  
  
“Get up,” Chan says almost giddy, Hyunjin can almost hear the smile in his voice, “I’ll show you rest.”  
  
Hyunjin slowly lifts his head, his black hair falling slowly in front of his face, some of the hair sticking to his forehead because of the sweat. Chan scrolls through his phone and then hears the very sudden ‘Bluetooth device is ready to pair!’, which makes Hyunjin startled. The next thing he knows, he can hear the beginning notes of a Troye Sivan song. Hyunjin chuckles, low in his throat and rests his head again on his pillow.

 

He drowns out Troye’s melodic voice and instead chooses to focus on Chan singing back the lyrics _(“What if, what if we run away?”)._ He’s positively never heard Chan sing before. _(“What if, what if we left today?”)_ It’s kind of surprising how good he is, actually. Without Hyunjin even being biased, Chan’s a good singer. _(“What if we said goodbye to safe and sound?”)_

 

Chan notices the way Hyunjin’s carefully listening to him sing, and laughs out of embarrassment. He wishes he would continue, because when he sang, he looked like he was having fun. _(“And what if, what if we’re hard to find?”)_ He looked like he wasn’t dealing with the pressures placed unto him with being the team captain. He looked joyful, truly.

 

“What was your first impression of me?” Hyunjin could maybe read the lines on Chan’s face as mild amusement and or anticipation, but he chooses not to. It’s too early in the morning. It is 1:27am, the night before the game and it is too early in the morning.

 

Chan lazily shrugs, and honestly if Hyunjin wasn't aware that Chan is 17 years old, with the wolf pyjamas he might’ve mistaken him as a very tall child that is in desperate need of some sleep now. “After the stalker thing or?”

 

“Hey!” Hyunjin pouts, getting up on his bed to turn on the lamp on his nightstand. He only turns it on so he can see the warm light on Chan’s face, and the breath almost knocks itself out of Hyunjin’s lungs. Seeing Chan laugh, dimples and all, in low light - only being able to express the important details on his face, like his eyes, the plump flesh of his lips, and the curls falling over his eyes, but not the beauty marks or blemishes.. Hyunjin is rendered speechless.

 

He looks away, because he doesn’t want to get called a creep for the 2nd time in his life. Chan looks up at the ceiling, saying, “Well after that, my impression of you was that.. You’re fit. And also tall, or maybe that’s just because I’m short. You’re also strong and passionate, loyal like a dog.”

 

“You’re cold.” Hyunjin replies.

 

Chan looks away and huffs. In 1:29 am tiredness for a genuine, split moment the thought of how adorable Chan looks when he’s annoyed or frustrated barges into Hyunjin’s head. He shakes it off, trying to not be obvious as to what the hell he’s doing. “By the way,” Chan looks to Hyunjin and he almost wants to turn the light off. Too pretty for his own good. “Will you ever let me call you Channie?”

 

Chan laughs, and another thought that goes along somewhere along the lines of “Dude, I’m not sure exactly why but I wanna wrap you up in like, blankets warmed by my love because it’s too cold for you to be here, you deserve warmth” slams onto the door of Hyunjin’s head. “Maybe. Just maybe, if we become closer or whatever.”

 

Then, Hyunjin turns somber once he remembers Minho.

 

“What about Minho, though?”

 

“What do I think of Minho, you mean?” Chan’s mood seems to go down a bit, but Hyunjin nods anyway. He’s curious. He wants to know. “Well, he’s my best friend. My only ride or die, essentially.” He sighs. “He’s so lonely though, I hope he starts dating that friend of yours.”

 

“Jisung?” Chan nods, “Yeah. I hope so too.”

 

Chan plops back down on the bed, closing his eyes. “We should fall asleep now. It’s game day tomorrow.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Goodnight, Hyunjin.” Chan says softly, fondly like the rest of the world except for Hyunjin aren’t supposed to hear. Hyunjin hears it loud and clear though, no matter how quietly Chan says it. It makes Hyunjin feel 15 types of warm.

 

“Night, Channie.” He replies back, just as softly and he can see the warmth radiating on his face. Chan is beautiful, no matter the situation and it frankly isn't fair.

 

Chan laughs, low in his throat and turns his back to Hyunjin. Hyunjin can't help but stare at the ceiling while trying to fall asleep, and occasionally Chan’s back.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Chan pulls aside Hyunjin in the morning, reassuring him with a light squeeze on his shoulder, “Are you still nervous, Hyunjin?” He notices the slight pink in his cheeks but chooses not to comment on it. “Try to relax! There’s still some time before the game.”

 

Hyunjin nods back vigorously, exclaiming back at Chan, “Okay!”

 

He pulls away, and sighs. He watches Hyunjin run off to somewhere, not keeping track of where. He enters the building and ponders. _Why’s Hyunjin getting so nervous now? He was fine, even ecstatic last time. Guess he just had more time to think about it..._

 

Then, just as he turns the corner, he hears it. “Sungmoon’s pitcher is as green as they come. The only reason why they have a freshie is because their junior pitcher hurt his shoulder.” Dokhyun, the school they have a match against today. “Sungmoon used to be the team we all had to look out for, but they're not the team they used to be, dude. Their last win was all luck.” He stops dead in his tracks and listens closely to the approaching voices.

 

“We just get into that freshie’s head and the win is ours.” Then, Dokhyun’s players see Chan standing at the edge of the door, with his blue and grey hoodie, the _S_ embroidered on the front. They gasp, and immediately rush to get out of Chan’s way.

 

Chan tries his best to not get angry often, so he says he could control his anger quite well. But as they rushed into the corner, out of Chan’s field of view, Chan felt his blood starting to boil.

  
  


“Hyunjin!” He stomps quickly into the room and he finds the boy he was looking for sitting on the floor next to a few duffle bags. He looks nervous as hell, biting onto his fingernails then on his plump lips. “What did you do in middle school that helped you calm down before games?”

 

“Oh, Chan,” Hyunjin slowly gets up and dusts himself off. “Uh.. I had a friend who was pretty short, so I hugged him pregame. It calmed me down.” He’s playing with his hands now, rubbing and playing with the ring on his finger, looking down like he’s ashamed.

 

Chan nods and he starts getting closer to Hyunjin, making the boy snap his head up in surprise. He engulfs Hyunjin in a hug, wrapping his arms around his waist and he completely ignores how fast his heart is beating. He also ignores how warm his face feels since he genuinely can’t remember the last time he gave anyone a big hug. Hyunjin stutters and seems to want to say something, but shuts up and enjoys the hug instead. He leans his chin on Chan’s head, one hand is at the back of his neck while the other plays with the back of Chan’s hair.

 

Hugging Hyunjin feels like hugging a giant golden retriever. Doesn't help that Hyunjin reminds him way too much of a big, loyal family dog.

 

Chan doesn't say anything, he hums and ignores the distant sound of Hyunjin’s heart beating fast. Either it’s Hyunjin’s or his own, he can't tell. He stands there, hugging Hyunjin and tries to enjoy the warmth that he provides to him. Hyunjin is just a puppy, yeah. He pulls away and Hyunjin retreats his hands to his sides, huffing with an incredibly red face. Chan’s sure that he’s a strawberry too, but it doesn't matter. He wants Hyunjin to show Dokhyun that he might be the best pitcher Sungmoon has ever had.

 

He leans a bit, and ruffles Hyunjin’s hair. “Bring ‘em hell.”

 

Hyunjin nods vigorously, and before Chan drowns in embarrassment he quickly leaves the room. He doesn't remember the last time he had a hug that intimate and frankly doesn't want to remember either.

  


Seconds before they have to go out on the field to kick off the game, Chan turns to Hyunjin quickly and ruffles his hair. He doesn't smile under his catcher mask, but Hyunjin feels like he’s melting either way. So much skinship in such little time. Too warm.

 

On the mound, he notices the strong tension between Dokhyun’s batter and Chan. As well, Hyunjin notices that after their hug, he doesn't feel as nervous anymore. He’s beginning to feel confident, actually. Sure, the hair ruffling is a bit ticklish, but it doesn't matter. Hyunjin will get this win, now that he’s officially on the mound with Chan.

 

Hyunjin smiles at him, and Chan smiles back. Now he’s certain everything's gonna be alright.

 

“The game ends with 12 to 4, Sungmoon taking the win!” And that’s what happens when you underestimate an ace pitcher just because he's a freshman.

  
  
  
  


“Thank you for helping me relax pregame, hyung,” Hyunjin smiles at finally being able to call Chan his hyung instead of sunbae. They stand in front of the vending machine, Chan fishing out change to get a refreshing drink.

 

“It’s nothing.” Chan then proceeds to fish out the drink from inside the vending machine, and opens it up. He turns and smiles at Hyunjin before taking a swig. “We’re a team now, Hyunjin.” He ruffles his hair slightly, leaving Hyunjin blushing again as he leaves for the bus.

 

“Hyunjin! The bus is gonna leave without you!”

 

“Ah, I’ll be right there!” He says, jogging over to the bus with a hand in his hair. He sees Chan settle down next to the bus window seat, and waves shyly at him. Hyunjin is too stunned to wave back.

  
  
  
  
  
  


There's a reason why Sungmoon High School students are excited on this warm, sunny day in April. There's also reason Hyunjin actually put genuine effort into his outfit today.

 

Most of it has to do with the fact that today is the day of the Spring Field Trip. Is it stupid and almost childish how excited Hyunjin is? Maybe, but Hyunjin argues it is not. Mostly because today is a full day of no practice, no class, and he gets to spend the entire day with Chan and Jisung in a theme park. Life is great.

 

“We’re going… to the arboretum?” Jisung nods limply, unimpressed with Hyunjin’s lack of attention. “How the hell does this count as a field trip? It barely even fucking counts!” Hyunjin exclaims loudly.

 

“Hyunjin?” Chan’s meek voice is loud enough to make Hyunjin snap to where the sound of his voice was coming from, and he feels warm the second his eyes land on Chan. Chan is currently wearing his brightest, warmest smile, “I actually like the arboretum. It’s quiet and nice, usually. I’m guessing you don’t?” Possibly even warmer than Hyunjin’s cheeks at the current state.

 

“No! I like the arboretum a lot,” Hyunjin smiles at him and Chan nods. Before he can continue their chat, Jisung is dragging him away with a hard grip on his wrist and all he can do is look back at Chan and wave with his free hand. Chan laughs, like he always does, and waves back.

 

“God, you’re fucking whipped for him,” Jisung mutters. His scolding doesn’t matter that much to Hyunjin, since his heart is still beating like a conga drum. It doesn’t matter.

 

“And what about it?”

 

“Nothing much really, just can’t wait for you two to start dating,” Jisung looks around and lets go of Hyunjin’s wrist. “So I don’t have to drag your lovesick ass around.”

 

“You all can look around and explore,” the teacher says at the head of the arboretum, smiling a bit - either at the enthusiasm bubbling through the freshmen’s eyes or the fact that he gets a full day off today. “Just make sure to go everywhere in pairs and don't cause trouble.”

 

Before the teacher can even finish, Jisung turns to Hyunjin and whispers, “I’m gonna go find Minho.”

 

Hyunjin chuckles quietly, “Didn't expect any different. I’m gonna find Chan.”

 

“See? You’re predictable too,” Jisung sticks his tongue out at him, making him giggle. “I’ll see you later.”

 

Hyunjin smiles and turns the other direction, spotting the usual group of seniors Chan hangs out with. He jogs over to them, excited to see his hyung but when he’s already there, he sees no Bang Chan nor his extremely dark choice of clothes. Yugyeom pats him on the back, a bit too hard and rough, saying, “Hyunjin! Come hang with us!”

 

He tries to hide his disappointment when Yugyeom says, “Chan went on for a walk by himself. Said he needed some time to think or something.” Yugyeom promptly pinches his side and laughs, “You seem so disappointed! You wanted to spend some time with your boyfriend, huh, Hwang?”  
  
“Not my boyfriend,” Hyunjin mutters under his breath and it comes out more strangled and disappointed than how he would’ve wanted it to be.

 

He doesn’t focus on it, and Yugyeom doesn’t seem to mind when Hyunjin bluffs his way out of hanging out with them 20 minutes later (“God, my stomach hurts so fucking much,” Hyunjin is a bad liar and he’s accepted it by now but he’s ready to risk getting caught lying for Chan) to go find him. He knows Yugyeom probably caught on to his bluff by the way he looks at him, giving him a smug side eye.

 

10 minutes later, after almost losing hope of finding him, Hyunjin finds Chan walking through a flower path. The surprise is clear in his expression and in his voice, “Hyunjin? You didn’t go with the others?”

 

Once he’s standing right in front of Chan, Hyunjin wishes so dearly he had a camera. The blossoms in the background, tulips of all colours lining the path, Chan looks ethereal. There’s light wind, enough for it to push some of Chan’s curly, dark hair away from his eyes. Hyunjin bluffs once more, “I wanted to go for a walk.” It’s hard to focus once Chan pulls down his face mask. “You don’t mind if I join, right?”  
  
Chan smiles politely at him, and nods. Hyunjin feels like he just met his lifelong idol because he feels immensely starstruck. It’s frankly not fair for someone to be so pretty. Even down to his small eyebrow mole or blemishes on his face, Bang Chan is beautiful.

 

“It’s quiet here,” Hyunjin mumbles once Chan starts walking but because of the quiet nature, and the fact that only birds can be heard around the arboretum, Chan hears him loud and clear. Chan also giving him his full attention makes him so nervous for some reason, “Do you come to places like here often?”  
  
“Nah..” Chan replies with a neutral face.

 

“Me neither, to be honest,” Hyunjin laughs out of nervousness, “I prefer louder places, I guess.”

 

“The arboretum isn't that bad, it’s actually quite nice,” Chan says, lightly pinching Hyunjin’s side before coming to a stop. Before them is a giant flower gazebo, roses covering the white painted wood and Hyunjin sees out of the corner of his eye Chan’s mouth slacking in awe. “Woah.”

 

“Check it out,” Hyunjin quickly jogs over to the wooden bench right under the arch and plops down. He encourages Chan to sit down next to him, and Chan does so with a fond smile on his face. “Hyung, let’s take selfies together!” The nervousness fades quite a bit. It’s possibly because he loves it when Chan smiles like that.

 

“I don’t think I’ve ever taken a selfie before,” Chan laughs nervously, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

“Then your first will be with me,” Hyunjin says, leaning in closer to Chan while taking out his phone. Chan looks a bit lost and almost nervous in the camera view, it makes Hyunjin chuckle. “Both of us need to be in the frame, so just scooch in just a bit more.”

 

Chan smiles, and Hyunjin does multiple expressions and takes multiple pictures. On the final one, he gets a bit brave and ends up poking Chan’s dimple, making Chan burst out laughing. Hyunjin puts his phone down, giggling, “I’ll send you all of them later.”

 

“Sure,” Chan replies, still chuckling a bit. Chan doesn’t notice Hyunjin changing his lockscreen to the last picture they took, but he doesn’t have to. The last picture is a bit blurry, with Chan’s hair falling a bit in front of his face, his eyes smiling. His right dimple is covered by Hyunjin’s fingertip, but it still makes Hyunjin smile a lot. “Delete the bad ones, please.”  
  
Hyunjin looks up from his phone to see that Chan has already gotten off the bench and dusting off the few petals that fell down unto him. He smiles a little, “I don’t want to.”

 

Then, the nervousness and embarrassment comes back in, riding like a tidal wave to Hyunjin’s ocean once he notices that in every corner lies a couple making out. Most of them are straight too which adds to the humiliation factor, and Hyunjin feels red.

 

“Hyunjin!” The back of his collar is being pulled back with force, catching him completely off guard and off his feet. Hyunjin stumbles back and falls unto the ground, behind a bush. He can feel a cut on his hand from a stick swiping at it from the fall. The fall was broken by something soft though.

 

He groans, opening his eyes and then the second he turns his head, he notices how close Chan is. His heart starts beating rapidly again.

 

Hyunjin doesn’t know why he leans forward a centimeter, enough for his lips to fully touch Chan’s and he doesn’t understand why he applies pressure. His hand finds Chan’s, and Chan returns the sentiment. Their lips fit nicely, almost too nicely. Chan’s lips feel soft, and they’re just as plump as Hyunjin’s are.

 

Chan kisses back. It’s the same mild pressure Hyunjin is placing unto his lips, but it feels rougher. Louder, somehow. Then, he realizes what he’s doing.

 

He’s kissing Bang Chan. Him. Hyunjin is kissing him and Chan is kissing back. The next second, he pulls away and quickly scrambles to get off Chan. Chan backs away too, and they can only stare at each other, dumbfounded and wide.

 

Then, the phone in Chan’s pocket rings. He fishes it out of his pocket and swipes, bringing it up to his ear, “Hey, Myungho. Yeah.. got it. See you.” Chan brings it down, looking up at Hyunjin with pink cheeks. “He says that everyone is starting to pack up and we should head back.”

 

“Ah, ah, okay..” Hyunjin gets up, hissing a bit at the pain of his newfound cut on his hand. Chan leans over a bit, a second away from asking him if he’s alright but then seems to realize what he’s doing and backs away. Hyunjin ignores it.

 

Hyunjin also tries his best to ignore the awkward atmosphere in the air as they’re walking back. It’s not like Hyunjin has never been in an awkward space with Chan before. It’s just never been this awkward, to say the least.

 

“They’re they are,” Chan mutters once they've come to the front of the arboretum, and they see the two busses and the long lines of high schoolers trying to get on it. Hyunjin stops.

 

“Hyung, wait,” Chan turns around a bit, now his mouth covered with his face mask again. What a shame. “It.. surprised you, didn't it? The.. thing we just did..”

 

Chan looks away for a split second, adding, “Well.. yeah. But I was the one who pulled you into the bush. Sorry.” Chan looks back up again and it subsequently makes his heart skip. Chan’s hand carefully rubs the back of his neck, “It’s just.. hah.. that was my first kiss.”

 

“Your first one? Really?” Chan nods vehemently, yet he looks uncomfortable. Hyunjin laughs nervously, not knowing exactly how to feel about that.

 

Chan tells him how to in the following sentence, “It was just an accident though, so we should just forget about it.”

 

Quickly, Hyunjin felt an onslaught of tears coming on. He doesn't know the exact cause or reason, he just knows that the second he said it, he really wanted to cry. He looks at him, staring, a little shocked and taken aback, but decides it’s not worth it to fight about it right now. Smiling disingenuously, he replies, “Ah.. alright. An accident, that’s what it was.”

 

Chan slips away before he can say anything else, and Hyunjin is left with staring at Chan’s back for a few moments. Suddenly, he feels himself clenching his fist so tightly the knuckles turn ivory white from the pressure. He clenches his jaw as well in some pseudo attempt in preventing himself from crying. It doesn't work though, a few tears still slip. They drip from his eyes down to his jaw, leaving their tracks behind, and then they fall to the ground. He lets go of his fist and as well as a frustrated puff of air.

 

Pretending they never kissed isn't going to erase the fact that they did. They fucking kissed. And then Chan decided quickly afterwards that remembering it is not worth it. Or, in reality, is Hyunjin just not worth it at all for Chan?

  
  
  


“What happened to you, Mr. Sunshine?” Jisung says to him in the halls the day after. It doesn't exactly lift the weight off his shoulders but it does feel a little lighter now that he sees the opportunity to talk about it. “Listen to that sigh. You alright?”

 

Hyunjin spares a quick look around to see if anyone is nearby, close enough to hear what he’s about to say. He spots a couple of upperclassmen, so he leans into Jisung and whispers, “Chan and I kissed.”

 

“Woah there tiger,” Jisung laughs, presumably out of shock but Hyunjin is so out of it, he can’t tell. “Shouldn't that make you happy then? Don’t you wanna kiss him?”

 

“Debatable,” Hyunjin blushes. “But it’s just that…. Chan said that we should forget about it afterwards.” They come down a flight of stairs, and behind him he hears a voice.

 

“Hyunjin!” It’s Chan. _Oh fuck me_. “Have you by any cha- Wait, where did he go?”

 

Out of his natural flight or fight response, Hyunjin as a natural coward bolted right in front of the stairs where Chan couldn't see him. He puts a finger up to his lips at Jisung, and Jisung looks back up at Chan. “You must’ve seen someone else. Do you have something you wanna ask him? I’ll ask him for you.”

 

“Nevermind..” Chan sounds deeply disappointed. “I’ll see him later, I’ll ask him then. See you around, Jisung.”

 

Truly, the biggest problem for Hyunjin ever since the kiss is that - well, if Chan is going to ignore that they kissed, then Hyunjin is going to ignore Chan. Or well, more like avoid him but still. Is it petty? Definitely. Is it justified? Mayhaps.

 

Does it pain Hyunjin somehow even more to avoid him? (He eyes the locker tag right next to his. Bang Chan and Hwang Hyunjin. Captain Bang and Pitcher Hwang. It’s a bit bittersweet on his tongue now though.) Yeah.

 

Though it’s not like Hyunjin’s Foolproof Plan As To Avoiding Bang Chan is actually foolproof, because for one, they’re on the same team. Their lockers are right next to each other. They’re batterymates on their team. They live in the same dorm room for fuck’s sake. Blame past Hyunjin for making everything in this school that he has related to Chan in one way or another.

 

“Hyunjin, I was gonna tell you before,” Chan’s not the only one avoiding something or someone though. ( _Do you really have to talk to me while you’re shirtless?_ ) “Coach’s gonna take us through a lower body strength workout tonight.” ( _Why did this never bother me before? Why am I so red?_ )

 

“He said we should warm up ahead of time,” ( _Where in the actual fuck did I usually look before when I was talking to him?_ ) “Let’s do some stretching together before we start.”

 

Chan pats him on the shoulder, now finally with a fucking shirt on, and once he’s out of view, Hyunjin bangs his head inside of his locker. He feels like fucking melting. His insides feel like goop and his skin feels so warm. God he’s actually boiling alive and no one is doing anything about it. It’s also the reason why he.. actually didn't listen to a word Chan just said to him.

 

“Fuck me…”

 

“What did you say?”

 

“Oh, nothing!”

  
  
  


“Hyunjin, for fuck’s sake!” Chan shakes his shoulder, the frustration evident and clear on his face, “I’ve been calling you a million times! Why aren’t you answering?” Hyunjin’s heart starts doing that thing again. The thing where it skips a lot and it feels like it’s gonna jump out because Chan’s face is way too close to his. “You’ve been weird all day, you know that?” Lips. His lips.

 

He backs away completely, his heart beating rapidly again. “C’mon, Coach Kim wants to see you. You’re not in trouble, he just has one on one meetings with everyone once a semester.”

 

“Okay! I’ll be right back!” Hyunjin fake smiles at him, and the second he gets the chance, he bolts out of there. _Why do I have to think of that thing, that fucking kiss every time I see his face?_

  
  
  
  
  
  


Hyunjin wraps a towel around his neck and brings the two ends together with a hair clip. He grabs his cheap hair shampoo and puts it on the counter, and he turns on the faucet. He plays with the warm and cold settings until the water is positively lukewarm. He bends over to the sink, and places his head right under the faucet.

 

His lips manage to escape a small sigh as the water drips onto his hair. He closes his eyes and directs the water to the side and back of his head. It’s calming, and he chooses to ignore the pure ratchet nature of washing his hair in the bathroom sink. It doesn't matter; nothing does.

 

He pulls his hair back, and while the water is still running he dries his hair a little bit with the towel around his neck so it doesn't drip from his ends everywhere. He squeezes a bit of shampoo, and he runs his hands through his hair. He rubs circles into his scalp.

 

And then, the image of kissing Bang Chan runs into his mind again.

 

“Fuck,” Hyunjin jerks his head up as a bit of shampoo almost goes right into his eye, wincing and screwing his eyes shut. He goes back to resting his forehead on the edge of the sink, then the water pouring onto his head.

 

“It’s always Bang Chan..” He mutters under his breath, not bothering to rub the water in his hair. On its own, it’s barely getting any of the shampoo out but he doesn’t care. He’s just letting the blood rush to his head like a rollercoaster.

 

He opens the bathroom door, and on the other side is him. The ends of the black tape on the floor is starting to peel, and Bang Chan is asleep. His eyes instinctively travel down to his lips, soft, pink and slightly parted, and he looks away. Not quick enough though for his heart to not jump.

 

He jumps unto his bed and stares deeply into the ceiling, his wet hair sticking to his pillow. He doesn’t wanna get up and dry his hair though. He closes his eyes.

 

Chan’s mouth is soft and pink as we’ve established before. Curved cupid’s bow, strong and defined. Chan has a habit of licking his lips often and Hyunjin teases him sometimes that he has to buy some chapstick. Hyunjin unintentionally stares at them a lot, or often gives them a quick peek. They’re pretty.

 

Hyunjin covers his face with his hands, his fingertips digging into his forehead. Exactly 3 realizations come to mind.

 

  1. Hyunjin is a stupid bisexual, we’ve known that before but it truly comes to light tonight.
  2. Staring at your male roommate’s lips is free therapy but only because Chan has really pretty lips, but it also doesn’t scream “Damn dude I love vagina”.
  3. Staring at Bang Chan’s lips often also means Hyunjin wants to kiss him. Often.



 

Hyunjin wants to kiss Chan.

 

“Fuck.”

 

Chan quietly stirrs in his sleep, groaning a bit.

  
  
  
  


Hyunjin is stupid and is also way too preoccupied with processing his crush on Chan to remember to bring his keys. All that means is that after an entire day of avoiding his crush, now he has to actively seek him out in order to get back to the dorm. Fucking hell.

 

He asked Junghoon, and he directed him to the back of the school. Great, he has some girl confessing to him or what?

 

 _Can I stop fucking clowning myself?_ “I appreciate your feelings for me,” Chan smiles politely at her and he can see the small tears pooling at her eyes. “But unfortunately, I don’t return your feelings.” His kind smile doesn’t break the fall, it never does. Hyunjin speaks from experience.  
  
She blurts out, “Why? Do you like someone else?” Already starting to cry, tears falling to the ground. Oh, sweet girl. Hyunjin wants to know too. You’re not alone.  
  
Chan looks conflicted as to what he should reply with, and Hyunjin knows he should leave before he gets to hear the answer. He knows he should. This isn’t right, this isn’t okay. He shouldn’t be eavesdropping. “Maybe, I don’t know much about romance so I can’t say that I’m 100% sure yet.”

 

And yet, his feet don’t move an inch. They’re wired to the ground, and he can’t move. He watches the girl storm out of the scene, and Hyunjin is left wondering what he was hoping to hear from the start. Why is he still here?  
  
“Hwang Hyunjin,” His heart jumps right out of his chest when Chan says his name in a stern fashion, and Hyunjin clutches it for support. “You’ve been avoiding me all day, and now you’re eavesdropping on me?”

 

“Why are you avoiding me?” Chan is talking to him right now as if he’s scolding him, but it doesn’t matter because Hyunjin’s heart is still throbbing like a drum in his chest. His expression turns from frustrated to sad though, “Is it because of what happened on the field trip? Hyunjin, that was an accident.”  
  
It’s not like he can just outright say ‘ _Hey, I think I like you so much my heart might explode right now_ ’. Chan sighs and places a hand on his shoulder, “I’d prefer if there were no secrets between us, alright Hyunjin? If we keep having problems like this, we’re gonna be a wreck at the next game. How are we supposed to win when we don’t know what the other person is thinking?”  
  
Quickly, Hyunjin’s eyes turn poisonous and he removes Chan’s hand with force. Now, he’s hurt. “Is that all our friendship is to you? It’s just about winning?” Why is his heart still beating? “I never knew what you were thinking, and we worked fine. Can I not have a secret of my own?”  
  
“Hyunjin,” Chan is now the one who looks lost. “You know that’s not what I meant. Hell, when you weren’t following me around, it felt weird. I missed you.” Chan smiles. Hyunjin is still throbbing but with hurt.

 

“Can’t you show me that you miss me?” Hyunjin backs away, his entire back pressed against the wall. “I want to feel it. That you miss me.”

 

Chan looks confused for a bit, conflicted as to what to do. He looks for something in his eyes but Hyunjin knows all he’ll find is hurt. Suddenly, he leans forward and engulfs Hyunjin in a hug, pulling him away from the wall and closer towards Chan. A small gasp leaves Hyunjin’s lips, unsure of what to do.

 

Chan moves away, and then there’s that same mistiness in his eyes. He looks like he’s going to cry, but he doesn’t. “I don’t know how to express my feelings at all, I never learned how to,” Chan sniffs, and smiles a bit bitterly. “But I did genuinely miss you, Jin. I might not express it in the best way, but I mean it.”

 

Hyunjin doesn’t say anything back, doesn’t reply with anything other than his mouth being ajar and the way he feels himself burning up despite the cold hitting his skin. It’s burning, it hurts, “Well, I locked myself in.. Uh, that’s why I ended up eavesdropping on you..” _Why does this hurt so much?_

 

“Ah,” Chan moves away even further. This fucking hurts. “Let’s get back then, right, Jin?” _This has to end. Whatever this is_.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Yo, get this!” Junghoon turns around to his friends while sitting with Hyunjin the next day at practice, “Another girl told Chan that she likes him last night!” The hurt comes back in a small wave, like tap water splashing his face, but it dries off.

 

“The girl from last night? I knew it!” His senior blushes, probably thinking of the girl’s face but Hyunjin can barely even picture her. He does know that Chan looked pretty when she confessed to him, though. “Oh man… She was so pretty! I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if girls that beautiful came up to me all the time..” The white street light makes anyone and everyone look ugly, but Chan looked ethereal. It wasn’t fair, honestly.

His friend hits his side, laughing, “Dream on, bubba. You’re not as handsome as Chan.” No one is, probably.

 

Hyunjin mutters to Junghoon, “Another one? Is Chan popular with girls?” It’s healthy to be curious, right?

 

“The guy gets confessions on a regular basis ever since freshman year,” Junghoon laughs, turning to his friends again. Hyunjin turns to them as well. “Remember on White Day when he came to practice with all those fucking chocolates?”

 

“Then,” Hyunjin mutters again, a bit shy and pink. “Has hyung ever had a girlfriend?”

 

“Nah.” One of Junghoon’s friends replies, “Nor a boyfriend at that. Pretty sure he hasn’t even had his first kiss yet.”  
  
Hyunjin drowns out the reply, “Oh yeah! I think he mentioned that once!” and his eyes travel to Chan a few feet away. Even his side profile is pretty, focused while he’s talking to Coach Kim. It makes sense that he’s popular right? He’s the captain of the baseball team, he’s a natural leader - (Chan turns, and he suddenly catches Hyunjin’s look at him).. and he’s mature.. (Chan smiles brightly), and h-handsome.. (He waves at Hyunjin shyly.) Hyunjin’s heart is beating like a conga drum.

  


“Hyunjin, you’ve been so awfully curious about Chan,” His senior bumps his elbow into Hyunjin, laughing once they got to the locker room.. “What, are you planning on asking out Chan too?”

 

“What?! It’s not like that!” Am I really that obvious about my feelings..?  
  
“Hey, don’t worry big guy,” another one of his seniors tease him, pinching his cheek. “We’ll be your wingmen! You two would be a great couple, no doubt.”  
  
“You guys really get a kick out of teasing me, don’t you,” Hyunjin backs away and ends up knocking into someone with his back. He smells acid and turns around, sees Minho with a hand up against his nose.

 

“I didn’t see you behind me, I swear, are you alright?” Blood drips from his nose down to his hand, and they mix with cyanide, burning his skin.

 

“You’ve got some fucking nerve, freshman!” Minho goes up to Hyunjin, and the acid is the only thing filling up his senses besides Minho’s blind anger. “This isn’t a playground! What, just because you’re a starting player you get to walk around like you’re blind? The only reason you’re on that fucking mound is because of my injury!” He’s getting sick to his stomach, nauseous because the acid is too much. “What, you take my best friend because of your stupid little crush on him and now you’re some player? How about showing some gratitude and training instead of working your mouth!”

 

Minho isn’t the only one who can cry poison tears, as we’ve learned, “I’m sorry, sunbae, but getting chosen as a starting pitcher wasn’t just luck. We’ve been winning games. And what I feel towards Chan isn’t just some stupid fucking crush.” God his nose is having a fucking field trip today. The amount of acid he smells on a daily basis is surely gonna kill him one day and Minho is not getting on his will.  
  
Minho grabs Hyunjin’s shirt and slams it against the lockers, growling like an angry dog, “What the fuck did you just say to me?”

 

“What the hell is that racket?” Coach Choi barges into the locker room and sees Minho with a handful of Hyunjin’s shirt, pressed up against the locker. His face gets red with anger, shouting, “Where do you two go off fighting in my lockers?! Where’s Bang Chan?!”  
  
Chan shows up behind Coach Kim, looking confused and lost, “Did something happen?” Then, Chan catches Hyunjin’s gaze. His heart sinks. Not sure if it’s Chan’s or his own that he’s talking about.

  
Coach Choi turns to Chan, shouting at him, “What kind of a team captain lets a fight break out in the locker room?” Chan flinches and now Hyunjin is certain that his own heart is sinking. It lands in his stomach.  
  
Hyunjin exclaims, almost wanting to reach out, “Don’t punish Chan! He wasn’t here so -”  
  
But like a tiger roaring at a kitten, he whips around and shouts at Hyunjin, “Shut your mouth!” That’s enough to make him shut up, alright. “I want both of you on the field, now!”

 

And that’s the story of how Hyunjin got into his first fight, and how he ended up having to run 30 laps around the entire field.

 

“You’ve never liked me, Minho sunbae,” Hyunjin says on the floor, panting like a dog after he finished his laps. “I know that. But I never knew why.”  
  
After a long bit of silence filling the air, positively making Hyunjin anxious, Minho replies, “You’re in my way. Ever since you’ve got here, you’ve been in my way.” He lets out a puff, looking over his shoulder at Hyunjin and suddenly snaps his head forward.  
  
Hyunjin replies, “If this is about the new lineup then-”

“Don’t play fucking dumb with me, Hyunjin. The way you look at Chan - what? You think I wouldn’t notice? You have a crush on Chan, right?” Minho looks frustrated, it glows in his eyes. There’s a bit of a fog in there, like Minho is sad under all those skulls and poison.  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“I was here first. For the past 3 years, I’ve been by his side. Supporting him, listening to him, everything. And I’m not letting some freshman get in my way.” There it is. The fog in his eyes clears and it unveils the true sadness of unrequited feelings. Hyunjin slumps.

 

He leaves his mouth closed, unsure of what to say next. He just searches through the fog and realizes, the venom has neutralized. It’s not there anymore. Or at least it’s slowly slipping through the cracks of his broken heart. “How do you think Chan feels though?” If anything, Minho is pleading to Hyunjin to leave Chan, knowing that if he stays in the picture, Chan’ll fall in love with Hyunjin instead. “Don’t you think Chan wants to see you happy?”

 

“What the fuck do you know about Chan?” Tears form at the corners of Minho’s eyes, and for some reason, Hyunjin feels pity. He knows Minho is desperate, and despite the bullshit he has thrown at Hyunjin - “You know absolutely nothing about Chan. Nothing.” - he understands.

 

“Minho, I’m not sure how well I know Chan but what I do know,” Minho doesn’t want to burn his skin by poisonous tears. He doesn’t want his skin to melt and burn. He isn’t spiteful, “He doesn’t want you to be trapped in some unrequited love with him that prevents you from being happy.” He’s just afraid.

 

“Stop empathizing with me,” Minho’s knuckles are currently slowly turning white with how hard he’s clenching them. He can barely understand what he’s saying because of his gritted teeth, tears flowing down his face, saying, “Why are you being nice to me? I don’t want it.”

 

“You don’t want it but you need it,” Hyunjin backs away a bit, his muscles stuttering in his movement. He’s stood there and went back and forth with Minho for so long, it feels weird to back up. Another reason might be because he just ran 30 consecutive laps. “You know you aren't alone. You have me, Chan and Jisung. You’re never alone.”

 

Minho seemed to not be able to handle that last sentence, by the way his expression got painted in shock and fear. Also the way he bolted out of the scene like his life depended on it. It reminded him of a scared animal roaring and trying to get the thing they’re scared of away.

 

But that left him wondering.

 

puppy [7:23pm]

jisung

minho and i got into a fight

 

jiji [7:24pm]

wait what?? what happened??

 

puppy [7:25pm]

i bumped into him and accidentally made him get a nosebleed

it wasn’t on purpose at all

he got mad nd we just went back nd forth

until he slammed me against a locker

coach made us run 30 laps

nd then

we fought again, after it

nd he asked me if i liked chan

 

jiji [7:29pm]

. .?

 

puppy [7:31pm]

nd idk why but

i didn't say no

what does this mean

 

jiji [7:33pm]

it means u like him

bcs if u didn't, u would say it immediately after he asked u

 

puppy [7:39pm]

fuck

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Everyone here?” Coach Choi huddles up the team right after they got off the bus. Today, they have another game. “Right, I’ve got an announcement. Seungsoo will be the starting pitcher for today.”

 

That hurt, damn. “Today, I want _all_ of you to reflect on the meaning of teamwork. Including, and especially, Hwang and Lee.” What a blow to Hyunjin’s ego, fuck. “Although it feels like it, the game does not rely on how well the ace pitcher throws. Baseball is a team game, it’s a bond of trust that you all build with one another through practice that assures the victory in a match.” He doesn't look at Hyunjin nor Minho once during his announcement, but the message is clear. “Seungsoo, you’re ready, right?”

 

“Yes, sir!” Seungsoo is usually a bench player, so at least he can get some joy out of the situation.

 

Hyunjin’s eye catches Chan’s gaze. He looks like he’s disappointed. Fuck.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Hyunjin? Why are you back here?” What a warm welcome back home.

 

What ended up happening was the weather having a meltdown, equaling to days of heavy rain. That meant no practice and the game being pushed back to next week. The coach decided to let the team have the weekend off, meaning they could get back home. Considering how fucked Hyunjin’s head is at the current moment, he decided the best course of action was to go back home for the weekend.

 

“I’m home, coach gave us the weekend off,” Hyunjin kicks off his shoes and shakes off the excess water from the umbrella in front of the door step. “Hyojin, could you get this umbrella for me?”

 

Hyojin, his older cousin, quickly heads over to Hyunjin and grabs the umbrella, setting off to let it dry in the bathroom. His sickly grandma, though ill is still sweet as ever, asking him with a warm smile, “Dear, do you want to eat with us?”

 

“No thanks, nana.” Hyunjin smiles back, bowing slightly. “I’m not hungry for now.”

 

Hyunjin heads over to his own room, and slowly cracks open the door like a treasure chest. His hand instinctively finds the light switch, the cloudy sky making the indoors dark even during the day. Right as he’s about to soak in the longing for his old bedroom similar to a bubble bath, the light shines the newfounded shelves upon shelves of his cousin’s clothes. He laughs and closes the door behind him. His backpack slides off his shoulders neatly and they end up on the floor right next to the door.

 

Hyunjin lands his body on his bed, the sheets engulfing him in the clear smell of home. He sighs and listens to the rain pouring outside of his window for a few moments. Hyunjin can feel a smooth bump hitting his abdomen before he can close his eyes and relax, though. He pushes up and moves the object. He realizes it’s his yearbook.

 

He opens it and out flies a picture taken roughly a year ago of his junior high baseball team, Myungjin.

 

Somehow, once his eyes fly to himself on the picture, Hyunjin feels as though he’s grown a lot. Feels like his face has aged and his mind has matured, and he looks…so many years older now. This picture feels like a thousand years away to him. A year ago he was insecure of the beauty mark under his left eyelid. Now he thinks it’s one of his charms. A year ago he was only just getting to know of Bang Chan’s existence.

 

A small sigh escapes his lips, realizing that now they live in the same dorm room, and Hyunjin has such strong, messy feelings for him that he has to hide out in his parents’ house. He’s changed a lot - things have changed.

 

He can’t ignore _his_ presence though. But his smiling eyes leave such a bitter taste in his mouth. Everything about _him_ feels like an unripe, poisonous lemon. Sour and enough poison to kill him with a bite. Hyunjin’s eyes travel to the boy standing right next to Hyunjin in the photo. A bit shorter than himself, seemingly stronger in physique and way more scars on his knees and face than Hyunjin, including a beauty mark on his left cheek, he has glasses and bright eyes. The boy’s name is Kim Seungmin and Hyunjin is certain that he could never forget that name.

 

Seungmin was his childhood friend, much like Jisung (who only stood right in front of him in the photo). He’s kinda like his first baseball related crush, way before Chan actually. Mostly because Seungmin was the one who taught him baseball when they were kids. And it started out innocent, because come on, why wouldn’t it be? They were just _kids_. They played together all the time just like any other group of kids would do.

 

Enrolling into Myungjin Junior High was Seungmin’s turning point, though. That’s when the innocence decided to bleed out.

 

At the beginning, it started out with Seungmin commenting a couple of times about how some of their teammates weren’t exactly the best at baseball. Or in Seungmin’s own words, “God, Jihoon is so fucking bad.” Those comments turned into questioning the skills of Coach Sohn, the very coach that trained them throughout the entirety of junior high. A few comments about only a couple of their teammates turned into frequent comments about average players.

 

That turned into the whole team (except for Jisung, Hyunjin and Seungmin) being bad, including Coach Sohn. Then, even that, turned into everyone except for Seungmin.

 

In other words, Kim Seungmin developed a gigantic god complex. Eventually, the complex bled into dangerous territory - that is, outside of baseball and slowly into his personal relationships as well. This gave him the reputation of being the biggest dick in Gyeonggi-do province amongst not only his peers but Jisung and Hyunjin too.

 

The straw that broke the camel’s back was the time Seungmin mugged a student near their school when he was skipping class. The student eventually reported it to the school and identified Seungmin as the culprit. He got suspended.

 

Then, he got into a major fight with a bunch of high school seniors near school grounds, which got him expelled.

 

“Hyunjin~” His cousins, Hyojin and Jihye, singsong bursting into the room with a bag of beer and chicken. “Let’s eat together!” Hyunjin quickly hides the photo underneath his yearbook and slides it under his pillowcase.

 

“Are you sure it’s not just an excuse for you two to drink?” Hyunjin says as he plops down to the carpet, where they’re taking out the chicken.

 

Jihye dramatically gasps and slaps Hyunjin’s hand, Hyunjin retracting it afterwards and wincing in pain. “We just wanted to throw you a welcome home party, you ungrateful brat!”  
  
“Okay, okay! Damn..” Hyunjin retracts his hand with an angry pink print of Jihye’s small hand back into his lap. Hyojin just shakes her head and hands him a Coke, offering him his share of the chicken with a smile.

 

“Besides being an ungrateful prick,” Jihye waves her chicken at him, before taking a bite out of it, “How has school been so far?”

 

“Well, there’s practice and games.. Pretty much the same as Junior High.” Hyunjin takes a slow bite, leaving his Coke unattended, “Except I don’t have to spend that much time commuting since I live in the dorms.”

 

“Oh you sweet boy,” Hyojin tsks loudly, throwing her beer around for emphasis but not enough for it to spill out, “We’re not talking about that! What’s your love life like? Don’t you have a girlfriend? Don’t tell me you just train and go to class, do you?”  
  
Hyunjin stares at her wide eyed, before nervously laughing. Jihye quickly adds, “Or a boyfriend! We don’t judge in this household, you know that, right Jinnie?” which makes Hyunjin smile wide, appreciatively. He nods back.

 

“I don’t have a girlfriend nor a boyfriend at that, the only people I see every day are my teammates,” Hyunjin feels sheepish at admitting that, realizing that.. Well.. he only ever goes to class and train.. Not even go to class, since he’s barely there. He’s mostly just at practice.

 

“Oh Jinnie….” Hyojin smiles sympathetically at him, like she knows what he’s talking about 100%. “My biggest regret in High School was not having enough fun with boys! All I did was go to class, go home, go to class, go home.. It was such a waste of my youth!” Hyojin takes a swig of her beer. “But you have a crush, at least, don’t you?”  
  
Then, that picture of Chan smiling fondly at him the day after their little confrontation together, also the day he got into a fight with Minho. Afterwards flashes the image of the first time Chan ever smiled at him like that - right after Hyunjin showed Chan his pitching. He smiles, and starts to blush, taking a swig of his Coke, “Yeah.”

 

He’ll never forget the way both of their eyes lit up like a blinking street light holding unto its last breath. And also their loud squealing. And the endless amount of fucking questions they had for him. It started with simple things like “What’s their name? How did you meet? Is he really cute? Can we see a picture of him?” to “What’s your favourite habit of his? Have you made a move yet? Do you think he likes you back?” Jesus Christ.

 

By the end of the night, his throat was completely dry because they forced him to talk about _everything_. Jokes on them, he didn’t tell them about their accidental kiss - he’s still very much ashamed of that with a mixture of hurt and he’d like to keep that to himself, thank you.

 

He yawns, stretching, “You guys should go now.. I’m sleepy.”  
  
Jihye says smiling, ruffling his hair, “Okay, pipsqueak! Don’t stay up too late texting your boyfriend~”  
  
“Not my boyfriend..” He mutters in reply and helps Hyojin clean up, putting it back in the bag for him to throw it out in the morning. They close the door behind them and Hyunjin plops down on the bed, sighing now that the rain stopped a long time ago. He mutters to himself, “I wonder what Chan is doing, actually..”  
  


 

  
  
mom [11:54 pm]

I’m sorry Channie, but it doesn’t seem like me and your father will be back soon

You should go to bed now, alright?  
  
chan [11:55 pm]

it’s fine

don’t overwork yourselves

 

Chan sighs, sad that that is the only sound in the house besides Berry’s rhythmical breaths. It was pretty nice when Berry freaked out when Chan came back home today though, to be fair. The lil guy missed him a lot. But even with Berry and Chan being alone in the house, it’s so quiet. So eerily quiet.

 

Chan gets off from the couch, heading for his vacant bedroom and he can hear the small pitter patter of Berry’s paws right behind him. He decides that well, if he can’t spend time with his parents (not like he ever did), then it’s best to get some shut eye.

 

It’s way too quiet though. Usually the silence in the dorm would be replaced with Hyunjin’s rants instead before they went to bed. Like.. non sexual pillow talk or something.. The silence just irks him. Especially nights after he got chosen as the starting pitcher. They had games pretty frequently so that meant he’d get to listen to Hyunjin’s nonsensical rambling the night before the game. It annoyed him a lot at first, but now he’s gotten used to it. Sometimes it’s even comforting when Chan is feeling anxious but doesn’t wanna talk about it out loud.

 

_Have I really gotten used to having him around in only a few months? It feels like there wasn’t a time where Hyunjin wasn’t around, like he was always following me.._

 

The silence is broken with a loud ‘Ding!’ coming from Chan’s phone. It startles him, and Berry barks as well, possibly thinking it was the doorbell, but Chan laughs it off. He unlocks his phone.

 

hyunjin aka puppy dog thing [12:38 am]

hi channie!!! these r the pics from our trip to the arboretum ^^

i just remembered now to send them to u, sorry TT

 

Attached were.. all the pictures that they took. Including the blurry, shaky ones of their feet when Hyunjin wanted Chan to try talking the phone instead. He laughs, springing up right, causing Berry to get excited and he vehemently paws at Chan’s side. _He really sent every single photo we took…? There’s so many…_

 

Chan smiles fondly, down at his phone, scrolling through the images. _That’s so like him though.._

 

chan [12:41 am]

thanks hyunjin, sleep tight

 

hyunjin aka puppy dog thing [12:41 am]

!!! <3

 

Chan stares at the heart for a long while, his smile never fading. He types his reply and immediately turns off his phone out of embarrassment, throwing it to the end of the bed and falling back unto his pillow. He can feel himself turning red and embarrassed, his heart beating fast.

 

“Fucking Hwang…”

  


channie!! <333 [12:43 am]

<33

 

On the other end, Hyunjin stares at his phone screen with his mouth hanging open for a bit before he explodes like a red, blushing bomb.

 

puppy [12:45 am]

JIJDISBSX HI SJUNGJISUNG

LOK

 

jiji [12:45 am]

what??

 

puppy [12:46 am]

[image attached]

 

jiji [12:46 am]

OH WOW

wow that’s gay as fuck

 

puppy [12:46 am]

SHUTSIOANZNXHSJSBDNDBS

HE’SSOCU TV EEI’MGHIANDIE

 

jiji [12:47 am]

BREATHE hyunjin Breathe

 

puppy [12:48 am]

i’m bREATHINGOK

just freaking out a LOT

because . . . THE bang chan

the cold ass bang chan who apparently HATES affection

JUST SENT ME A HEART?????

WITH AN EXTRA 3 AT THE END???????????????

 

jiji [12:52 am]

go to BED loser

luv u goODNIGHT

 

puppy [12:53 am]

:((((

goodnight :(((

luv u too <3

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“It’s not even a school day and yet I’m up this early,” Hyunjin groans, staring at his lockscreen. 6:30am. He wants to sleep in, considering he fell asleep last night at about 1 am, but it doesn't work. He’s gotten too used to getting up at this time to go on a run with Chan, no matter how late he fell asleep. He looks out the window. _It’s not raining that much… I should go on a run while I’m still awake._

 

He enters the living room, and sees his nana wide awake, knitting in the middle of the room. He smiles politely and bows, “Nana!”

 

She looks up with a face of kind surprise, “You’re awake already? You usually sleep in late! What’s with the change?”

 

“I wake up at dawn everyday to exercise with one of my hyungs!” Hyunjin sits down on the couch for a bit while he’s talking to her.

 

She laughs quietly, “Oh, next you’ll be telling me that pigs can fly!”

 

He laughs with her. He prefers nana’s teasing over Jihye’s, Jihye can be a bit meaner than he would like it to be. “I wanted to be friends with him, so I started going on runs with him! It was hard at first but now I just automatically wake up around this time.”

 

“Oh, is it the boy you’ve been dying to meet for so long?” She throws him a knowing smile.

 

“Yes! Same guy.” The image of Chan’s fond smile flashes into his mind. “He’s my roommate now and I think we’ve gotten close.”

 

“You like him so much, I’m glad to hear,” Hyunjin’s face scrunches in confusion for a bit before she elaborates further on, “Whenever you talk about something you like, you just go on without stopping. You did that ever since you were little.”

 

Hyunjin blushes, “Do.. Do I?” She nods back at him. “Guess I never realized that..”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Hyunjin decided that once he came back from his run, he’d go back to the dorms. Though his parents asked him to stay around for dinner, he was already set on leaving. He doesn’t know exactly what he’s hoping to see in the dorms, it’s not like Chan will be back and ready to laugh with him just because he came back a day early. But it’s worth a shot, is it not?

 

“Channie..” He mutters his name under his breath as he leaves his bag next to his bed. Right as he’s about to jump unto his bed, the door clicks open. “Channie!”

 

“Hyunjin?” Chan definitely does not look as glad as Hyunjin does to see him, more surprised than anything, but it’s fine. “Why are you back so soon?”

 

“I could say the same for you, mister!” Hyunjin teases him vehemently as he sits down on the bed and presses his back to the wall.

 

Chan blushes a bit, looking embarrassed, “It was uncomfortable trying to sleep at home since I haven’t been back there in so long.”

 

“Same here..” Hyunjin smiles fondly at Chan, and he notices he’s getting pinker by the second. And it’s cute. Chan is really cute when he’s blushing. He looks out the window once he noticed the familiar sound of rain stopped. He got up again and looked outside of the window. “Well would you look at that? The rain stopped.”

 

“Huh..” Chan comes up to the window himself, as if he’s checking if Hyunjin is just tricking him or not. “It has.. Do you wanna go grab something to eat then? I’m hungry.”

 

“Sure!” Hyunjin smiles at him, his feet sticking to the ground, watching Chan’s back. He’s glad he came back early. So, so glad.

  
  
  
  
  


“I couldn’t sleep at all last night,” Chan complains mildly while picking at his food. “It was way too silent - haven't had that in months.”

 

“Don’t tell me I was that annoying with my late night rants,” Hyunjin stuffs his face with ramen before he can say anything else, afraid he might slip up. The embarrassment does hit though, harder than it should, right in the middle of his chest.

 

Chan chuckles, “You weren't.” before bursting out laughing, “Well you were a bit, actually!” Hyunjin blushes, wanting to suddenly drown in the water of his ramen, right inside of this ceramic bowl. He comforts him and brings his head out of the water with a kind smile, “Don't worry though. I’ve gotten really used to it… I like it now, I think.”

 

“You sound a bit too unsure.” Hyunjin replies back with a grimace, with the same pink cheeks.

 

Chan in return gives him an eyebrow wiggle and a sly, wry smile, saying, “C’mon, Jin. You really think I’d get annoyed with you?” Chan moves on too quickly from that, frankly not giving Hyunjin a chance to choke on the vegetables in his mouth. “How was your trip back home, though?”

 

That’s when their lunch turned a bit sour and the vegetables in his mouth left something bitter behind once he swallowed them. He looks up from his food into Chan’s eyes and debates whether or not to tell him about Seungmin. Seungmin is a chapter in his life he’s moved on from by now, “It was… a little bittersweet. I rested well but at the price of getting reminded of something - er, _someone_ I deeply wish to forget.” But doesn't that mean Chan has the right to know what he did for Hyunjin in his darkest time?

 

The light in Chan’s eyes flickers back and forth from curious to cautious, before he quietly says, “Are you comfortable talking about it?”

 

Before Hyunjin nods, he realizes he doesn't like it when Chan looks at him like this. Like Hyunjin is a ticking time bomb and like he should approach cautiously. “One of my friends got a God complex once we got to Junior High.” Chan listens attentively and approaches Hyunjin carefully. Hyunjin recognizes it immediately. “It was manageable at first, I guess, since he only said a few comments here and there. We dismissed it.” He’s pretty sure he can recognize what Chan’s trying to slip by from a mile away.

 

“But it got so much worse over time. He mugged a kid and got suspended. He thought he was above the law and even above us, his friends.” Chan is treating him right now exactly the way everyone treated him a year ago. Ticking time bomb. Tick tock. “He got into a huge fight with some seniors, because again, he thought he was above them.” Hyunjin’s grip on his own hand tightens significantly, “He got expelled.”

 

The light inside Chan’s eyes changes from attentive, careful, to a clear realization. “And it hurt and confused me to no end. He was a huge prick yeah, but he was still one of my best friends. And he was the one who taught me baseball when we were younger. He was my best friend, my teammate,and it hurt to see him spiral like that.” Hyunjin conveniently leaves out the part where Seungmin was his first crush.

 

Chan gazes him with sad eyes. For a second Hyunjin actually feels like he’s empathizing with him. “I understand.” But why does his empathy make him feel fake? Why does it make him feel almost pathetic?

 

“After he got expelled, we got into a huge fight in the middle of the street,” He looks down at the table, wanting to avoid as much eye contact as possible with Chan during this. “He was crossing it and he wasn’t looking and… and he got hit. By a car, I mean.” He can hear Chan take a sharp breath in the opposite of him, almost like a gasp. “Because of the severity of his injuries, he couldn’t play baseball anymore.” Hyunjin’s glad he made the right decision and decided to look down. If he had to look at him while doing this, he would’ve been bawling by now. He’s only just getting choked up, so that’s good. It’s not that embarrassing. Maybe.

 

“In the hospital, I visited him. And.. we got into another fight.” _Deep breaths, Hyunjin._ “He pinned the blame on me. He said it was all my fault. And.. that really hit me, you know.. I lost all motivation and drive to play baseball.” He looks up.

 

Chan’s eyes were different. Bleak, unglistening, and yet hopeful. Hyunjin has learned before that Chan is in no way good with feelings. He knows he can't express them in the best way, so instead, Hyunjin salvages the emotion he does portray. It’s not hard by any means, his eyes speak for themselves, but it’s hard getting words out of him. “Hyunjin, I know I may seem like a cold robot at times - but I understand the pain you went through. I understand.” Which is exactly why his words surprised him.

 

Chan reaches over and starts tapping slowly, comfortably, at Hyunjin’s hands. He doesn't explain it, just keeps on tapping and squeezing his hands. “My dad used to do this when I needed comfort,” He says carefully choosing his words. “Even though he wasn’t around much growing up, it stuck with me anyways.”

 

Hyunjin flinches, making Chan jolt and look up. It’s like he’s saying ‘Am I hurting you?’ in response, he shakes his head but it doesn't matter. Chan retracts his hands. “When I was younger, my parents weren’t around much at all. They work as surgeons, so it wasn't like they purposefully abandoned me or anything. They were just huge workaholics.” Hyunjin retracts his hands as well and places them on his lap, realizing he must listen to Chan. “I don't resent them. I mean, I do a bit. Them not being around meant that I spent most of my childhood sitting at home, waiting for them to come back. It also meant I have no clue how to convey any sort of emotion.” Chan laughs in a bitter way, “It sucks. Mostly because I know exactly what my emotions are, I know them down to the T, I just… don’t know how to say them out loud.”

 

“Why are you telling me this..?” Hyunjin mutters, and even though they’re in a public restaurant, Chan hears him loud and clear.

 

“Because I can tell that you're looking at me funny. Like you think I have no idea what you're even talking about.” Hyunjin winces, his eyebrows furrowing. He hadn't meant for it to come off that way at all. “I understand what you went through, I do. And I empathize with you.”

 

When Hyunjin can't reply with anything of substance, only staring back at Chan like a deer caught in the headlights, speechless, Chan does it for him. “And I want to get closer to you, as much as you do to me.” Chan smiles, and motions for Hyunjin to bring his hands up again. He does it slowly, wiping off the sweat before he does and Chan interlocks them with his own. He smiles kindly at him, and Hyunjin can't explain why he feels so warm.

 

“Do… Do you want to know why I got back into baseball?” Chan nods, turning his head to listen. “After the fight.. I was crying in the hospital. And you saw me.” Chan’s eyebrows furrow, trying to remember, and then the realization hits. “You gave me strawberry milk. That’s also why I got you some, back when you were sick.” His cheeks turn a bit pink. He can tell he’s a little embarrassed but unwilling to let go of Hyunjin’s hands. “Jisung forced me to go to a baseball game, seeing how depressed and unwilling I was. And I saw you again.” Chan’s eyes are still embarrassed, but soft now. Fond. He loves it when he looks at him like that, honestly. “Slowly, I found out more and more. Then I found the desire, the want to be on the same team as you. That’s why I got back into it. So I really have you to thank for bringing me here. Thank you.”

 

It’s Chan’s turn to be speechless, not knowing what to reply with. In his eyes, there was a soft mist. A tear or two fall down and Hyunjin’s eyes shoot wide open, “Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah.” Chan laughs, getting his sleeve to wipe off his tear tracks, also leaving Hyunjin’s hands cold as the food they left. “I’m fine. Let’s get back now.”

 

“Okay. Alright.”

 

Surprisingly, the walk back to the dorm wasn't as awkward as Hyunjin thought it would've been. There was silence, but it was comforting and it didn't ask much. They accepted that the both of them are currently processing what they said and what happened, and it’s okay to be quiet. Hyunjin just knows that his feelings got reinforced, so hard. He likes Chan so much, if he wasn't skeptical, he might’ve even thought that he was in love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Playoffs. Fucking hell. “The score is 7 to 6 with Sungmoon High in the lead and Baehyung High School up at the bat.” With all fucking honesty, Hyunjin can't focus at all. He has a cavity (debatable, but that’s what Jisung told him) and he can't smile. Nor can he eat anything cold. Fuck everything, including this dumbass bench he’s sitting on. He’s still the starting pitcher, but they're currently taking a quick break. “Sungmoon High’s pitcher is a 1st year student who boasts incredible athletic ability for his age.” _Yeah, yeah, we get it. Stop focusing on my age and focus on my skill, please._

 

“Unfortunately, Baehyung has been making one mistake after another in this match.” Hyunjin chuckles _. Like hell they have._

 

But with that chuckle, a sharp pain in his mouth shoots up and he winces, holding his jaw. “Fuck me..”

 

A pink, wet towel lands on his head, and a laugh comes from Chan. “Thanks for the invitation but no thanks, Hyunjin.” Hyunjin looks up, mortified and embarrassed. “You look like you were sweating a lot today, so I got you a wet towel. Refreshing, right?”

 

Hyunjin beams, nodding excitedly but not enough for him to shake the entire towel off, “Yeah! Thanks, Channie.” Chan sits next to him, enough for their knees to have slight contact.

 

“If this is already super hot for you, I don't know how you’ll deal when we get to summer training.” Chan laughs, teasing Hyunjin a bit. He blushes under the towel, and Chan hands him a cold water bottle as well. Excited to finally drink something, his throat feels way too dry. Stuck in all that euphoria of having something cold to drink, Hyunjin lived in a world where his cavity didn't exist.

 

He winces immediately after the water goes down his throat, groaning and his hand goes up to latch onto his jaw. Chan visibly panics and comes closer to Hyunjin, “Are you okay? Are you feeling sick?”

 

“I think my cavity might be getting worse,” Hyunjin groans audibly, “I can’t eat or drink anything. Or even smile..”

 

“That’s why you were frowning on the mound, right?” Chan’s hand lands on Hyunjin’s shoulder, and it probably makes Hyunjin feel even sicker from the warmth Chan brings him. “Does it hurt a lot? Do you want me to take a look?”

 

“Huh? I’m fine..!”

 

It obviously wasn’t a yes or no question because Chan is already positioning himself to check what’s going on, and his free hand moves Hyunjin’s face around so he can see better. Hyunjin feels so, so warm and he has to tighten his fist as to not try and scream his lungs out at how close Chan is. He can't tell if he loves it or hates it. He just knows Chan is so.. so close.  “Huh? Your wisdom teeth are growing out, actually.” His hand leaves his face and the other one leaves his shoulder, and he can tell that Chan also has a bit of pink in his cheeks. “I heard it can hurt when they grow out, so that’s probably what’s causing the pain.”

 

Hyunjin nods, not wanting to be an idiot and blurt out anything embarrassing, like ‘Your eyes are pretty’. Chan chuckles, “You know, they also say that wisdom teeth come in when you’re feeling lovesick for the first time. Is there someone you have feelings for?” Hyunjin’s eyes shoot, not knowing how to answer. “Anyway,” _Thank fuck._ “If it hurts that much, why don’t we go and talk to the coach?”

 

“No!” Hyunjin shakes his head. “I can keep going! I’ll go to the dentist tomorrow morning. It’s fine.” Chan doesn't look convinced, but he doesn't press on it. Good.

 

Feelings… Yeah, Hyunjin has a lot of strong, persistent feelings for Chan. They're warm and soft, they feel like soft cakes and bakeries. Chan reminds him of toys and stars and indie music. Chan’s also very reminiscent of beaches and freshly washed hair. Chan looks adorable in the morning because he looks like a small toddler who’s lost in the supermarket, and he doesn't have the chance to fix his hair yet so it’s all over the place. And it looks cute. Hyunjin really, really likes Bang Chan, that’s for sure. He’s not even sure that it can count as a crush that will pass soon anymore.

 

Hyunjin can't act normally when Chan is on his mind all the time. That’s being lovesick, right? “I can't even remember a single word I said during those after game interviews,” Chan was by his side during every interview. It either made him less or more nervous. “It was so hectic. I’m really out of it.” Inside of the bus is suffocating and warm from being out in the sun all day and having no AC, but it’s okay. He’s sitting right next to Chan and he’s a breath of fresh air. He can also see Minho and Jisung sitting together from here, talking and blushing. Things have changed.

 

“Get some rest, puppy,” Chan laughs as he takes out his phone and a pair of earbuds from his backpack. “You did well.” _Fuck me, that hit differently._ That was the first time Chan had ever called him anything affectionate and goddammit it is so hard to contain himself right now.

 

puppy [6:23 pm]

look i know u’re busy w minho right now

but

chan called me puppy TT

&!*!,÷£,*$, $£’,*$&$

 

jiji [6:24 pm]

congrats bub!!!!!

also that’s cute wtf

when will y’all start dating >:(

 

puppy [6:26 pm]

shut up

the same question goes for u nd minho!!!

 

jiji [6:27 pm]

haha fuck you

we’re already dating

 

puppy [6:28 pm]

WAIT WHT

SINCE WHEN??????

 

jiji [6:29 pm]

t-today

 

puppy [6:30 pm]

YOU FATASS I’M SO PROUD OF U WTFF

PLS IF I DON’T SEE HIM TREATING U RIGHT U LET ME KNOW BITCH!!

I WILL TEAR HIS ASS APART

 

jiji [6:32 pm]

that’s my job >:(

 

puppy [6:32 pm]

. . . tmi

 

jiji [6:33 pm]

lmao

 

“Channie,” Hyunjin whispers, “Minho and Jisung are da-” Chan’s head falls down onto Hyunjin’s shoulder, and he can hear small, slow breaths, indicating he’s fallen asleep. Hyunjin giggles, and blushes harder if it was possible. It makes Chan slide off a bit and Hyunjin immediately panics and brings his face up again. “Careful..”

 

He noticed that an earbud has also slid off and Hyunjin looks at it, thinking, Chan wouldn't mind if he listened to it as well, would he? He picks up the earbud and puts it in, and is surprised to hear a soft love song. It’s funny. For someone who claims to have never had a significant other before, he sure does listen to a surprising number of love songs.. He smiles softly, _that’s just like him, though._

 

After playoffs, Coach Kim and Coach Choi both inform them about their summer training. It’ll last for 2 weeks and Hyunjin is progressively getting more and more anxious about it. Not because he knows it’ll be the most difficult training of his life, but because soon, Chan is going to graduate and Hyunjin is running out of time to be with him. He also wants to get him a sort of farewell gift of some sorts.

 

But the thing is - Hyunjin has no fucking idea what to get him. It’s not like a birthday present so it’s not like he can get him like a card or anything. He wants to get him something meaningful, something special. He passed by a window shop today and saw a huge teddy bear, and while it is cute imagining Chan holding a teddy bear half the size of him, he doesn't think Chan would like that very much. Hyunjin is slumped.

 

“Hyunjin, are you alright?” Chan says late night once, a week after playoffs. The room is quiet besides the quiet tapping and scrolling of Chan’s fingers. “You seem worried, but you're not talking at all..”

 

“Oh..” Hyunjin looks away. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking about something.” He unlocks his phone and goes to Kakaotalk, the group chat he has with both of his cousins.

 

puppy [11:24pm]

jihye, hyojin TT

i wanna get my crush a gift since he’s graduating soon

but idk wht to get him TT nd i’m worried!! since he’s graduating rlly soon

we don't have a lot of time left tgt

wht would u guys want as a present???

 

jihye TT <3 [11:27pm]

money

preferably? a stack of fifties

 

puppy [11:28 pm]

-____-

i should’ve just asked hyojin instead -_____-

 

hyojin <33 [11:29 pm]

jihye shut up

 

jihye TT <3 [11:29 pm]

wow. rude

 

hyojin <33 [11:31 pm]

if u want smth special, u should get him smth only u can give him

a gift doesn't always have to be a physical thing if u get what i mean

 

puppy [11:32 pm]

hmm

good idea

thanks for actually bringing something of substance unlike SOME ppl in this gc -___-

 

jihye TT <3 [11:33 pm]

if u still wanna give me a stack of 50’s i’m down for it

 

puppy [11:34 pm]

no

goodnight!! <3

 

Something that only Hwang Hyunjin could give to Bang Chan.. yeah, that works.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Apparently it doesn't because it’s already summer fucking training and Hyunjin still has no clue as to what to give him. It’s not like he’s been avoiding it, quite the opposite actually because in reality, Hyunjin has been thinking about it _nonstop._ Chan, as sweet as he is, keeps asking him what’s wrong but Hyunjin can never give him a straight answer and it pains him to do so. It also does not help that they're rooming together in the hotel the team is staying at.

 

“I wanna go to the beach..” Hyunjin mutters on the first day and Chan laughs audibly, like he’s ripping his cheeks apart in laughter.

 

“God you’re so innocent, so inexperienced,” Chan laughs further while it does nothing to ease Hyunjin’s confusion. “We can't go to the beach. Even if you do, you’ll get choked by seawater. And besides, you don't know our summer training program yet.” Chan looks up at him, all expectant, “You’re about to find out why it’s called ‘The Stairway to Hell’, puppy.”

 

The Stairway to Hell is an entire stairway from the beach all the way up on the mountain. Coach Kim, although usually the more relaxed and less stricter coach than Coach Choi, was practically taunting them the entire way up. He placed a hand onto Hyunjin’s back when he took a small breather and said, “Oh, don’t worry Hwang, you just have to go up and down 3 more times!” Hyunjin really had to resist calling him an evil bastard.

 

Then, Coach Choi had them run on the beach. Full speed, one in front of another. Also no breaks which meant he couldn't stop to get the sand out of his shoes. Dirty, dirty bastard.

 

“Your first time training off season has been tough, huh?” Chan says once Hyunjin came back from his well deserved shower, and plopped down onto the bed, stomach first. He’s casually scrolling through his phone, like the training did _nothing_ to him.

 

“Channie, there isn't a single fucking spot on my body that doesn't ache like hell.”  Hyunjin groans into his mattress. “I can't believe I’ll have to do this for another 3 years… What about you? Are you alright?”

 

Chan stretches his legs in the air and laughs, “To be honest I wanted to act tough in front of you since you’re a freshie but I am in so much pain.”

 

Hyunjin laughs loudly, his fist balling up the bedsheet, but Chan wags his finger and picks up his backpack on the side of his bed. “I’ve come prepared though.” He brings out 9 packets of Hot Massage Packs, and 4 Muscle Ache Relief Packs. “I’ve brought some for you, as well.” He brings one up and asks, “Lemme put one on you. Do your shoulders ache the most or?”

 

“No, no!” Hyunjin shakes his head, already feeling warm as fuck, “Lemme put one on you, first.”

 

“Hmm..” Chan hands the pack to Hyunjin. “Then, my legs could use some..”

  
  
  
  
  
  


It was getting dark, but that didn't discourage Chan nor Hyunjin from keeping up going up the Stairway to Hell. They were nearing the top of the trail when Hyunjin stopped, a bit suspicious. “Channie?” Chan stops and turns around. “I haven’t seen anyone behind us for a while…”

 

“Huh?” He looks down the stairs, and hums in curiosity. “Come to think of it, I haven't either..” The dark sky emits rain, and he would usually be thankful for it cause it’s honestly pretty refreshing, but they have no place to take shelter from it and the rest of the team are nowhere to be seen. Chan grabs his wrist and tells him, “Let’s head down as quick as we can before it gets worse.”

 

Hyunjin nods and they start quickly going down, but once they got down to about the middle, they saw that no one was there. “They already left!”

 

“C’mon.”

 

Hyunjin follows Chan as quick as he can but the ground is getting slippery and wet. It's hard to get down, let alone to get there as fast as they can. A loud yell of his name pierces his ears, “ _Hyunjin!_ ” he looks behind only to see Chan falling down off the trail.

 

“Chan!” He wasn't quick enough to catch Chan with his hand, so with his flight or fight response, Hyunjin slides down to where Chan is as quick as he can. It’s still slippery though so instead of sliding, he starts falling, more accurately.

 

Hyunjin groans and opens his eyes, the rain completely making his hair and clothes soak in water. He opens his eyes and sees Chan, immediately getting his energy back and jumping back up to inspect his wounds. “Hyung,” he holds onto his arms. “Good thing there was a ledge to break our fall. You’ve got only a few scrapes, so it’s okay. We’re in the clear.”

 

Chan isn't worried about that though, “You idiot! Why’d you come after me?” Hyunjin is a bit taken aback with how genuinely upset and mad he sounds. “Do you realize how badly you could’ve hurt yourself? At least one of us could’ve made it down safely..! You’re an athlete, Jin! You can’t just go around and be reckless with yourself!!” This is the first time he’s seen Chan get mad, but it’s not like he’ll go down without a fight.

 

“I was worried that you could’ve hurt yourself!” Ironic, considering that Chan just slapped Hyunjin’s hand away and Hyunjin is left feeling like the one who got hurt. “And what do you mean, I should’ve gone down on my own!? If you were actually hurt, I..!!” Hyunjin lunges forward, enveloping Chan in a large hug. “What would I do if you were hurt? What would I do without you, you fucking dumbass?”

 

Hyunjin pulls away and gets up. He notices the huge cut on Chan’s knee, and offers him a hand. “Let’s get down, fast. Not to mention, someone has to take a look at your knee.” Chan takes his hand without much convincing, but he winces once he gets up.

 

“Gah… I must’ve twisted my ankle once I fell down..” He winces further in pain.

 

“Here, lemme support you.” Hyunjin offers to him.

 

“Wait, Hyunjin,” Chan pleads at him, “You can barely walk yourself. It would be worse for you if you supported me completely or picked me up.”

 

Hyunjin looks at the ground for a moment, before looking back up, and placing his arm outward. “You can just hold onto my arm, right? That’s okay for you, isn’t it?” He doesn’t look convinced but it’s not like he’s going to pass up on the help anyway. “I saw a gazebo somewhere around here, we can go there and get shelter for now.” Chan nods, and holds onto Hyunjin’s arm tightly. He has no time to feel warm, but instead just focuses on getting them to shelter quick.

 

“The last gazebo we were at was prettier, the one with the roses,” Chan tries to make light of the situation with a small smile once Hyunjin had helped him sit down.

 

Hyunjin smiles, cupping his hands and letting the rain fall into it, “The one selfie we took where I poked your dimple is still my lockscreen.”

 

“What are you doing?” Chan asks, quietly over the sound of rain.

 

“Getting water so I can wash off the mud off your knee,” He brings his cupped hands up to hover over Chan’s knee, and he winces once he releases it. Hyunjin doesn’t say anything but moving his cupped hands again to get a bit more rain water.

 

“You didn’t send me that picture..” Hyunjin looks at Chan. He’s a pouting a bit. He’s never seen that expression on his face before.

 

Hyunjin looks back and says, “I’ll show you it once we get back.” Chan winces again when the water hits his open wound. Hyunjin stands up and yet again lends a hand to Chan, and Chan takes it. “Hold on tight, okay, Chan?” Chan nods, a bit ashamed.

 

“Hyunjin..” Chan strings the word out, grabbing his attention immediately, “I’m sorry for yelling at you earlier. You were just looking out for me.”

 

“Hyunjin, Chan, where are you?”

 

“Here!” Hyunjin yells out, and right around the corner, their coaches and one of the assistants come out. They run over to them the second they saw them, and Hyunjin can hear the small breath of relief coming from Chan. He can smile a bit, too.

  
  
  


Once they had gotten back to the hotel, and after they both saw a doctor, Hyunjin has made it his mission to help Chan out with recovering. That mostly means helping him with applying ice packs to his ankle and knee. “You never showed me that picture,” Chan hums while Hyunjin sits at the bottom of his bed, applying the ice pack slowly. “Of us at that rose gazebo. When you poked my dimple…”

 

“Oh,” Hyunjin hums and stretches over to get his phone on the nightstand. He opens it and gives it to Chan.

 

Chan’s eyes significantly turn softer once his eyes land on the picture, the same one that’s been Hyunjin’s lock screen for the past 3 months. He searches around and analyzes the picture, and he can tell he spends a bit of time looking at only part of it. Wishful thinking is saying that he’s looking at Hyunjin laughing in the picture, but he dismisses it quickly and just focuses back on what he’s supposed to do.

  
  
  
  
  
  


On the last day of training, Chan can finally start walking around freely. Today, there’s not much training going on and all he did for the past few weeks was monitor the progress of everyone else. Minho approaches him with a sly smile once he’s out on the court, “Chan!” He calls out to him and Chan almost instantly recognizes the voice and smiles. “How’s your ankle?” He sits down next to him.

 

“I can walk, not sure if it’s gotten any better.” Chan sees the opportunity though and seizes it, “How’s your relationship with Jisung going, lover boy?”

 

“I’m not here to talk about my boyfriend, but it is going smoothly, thank you very much,” Chan doesn’t miss the quick smile he gives him. “I’m here to talk about yours, though! Guess who’s been feeling a bit down since you’ve been gone. Take a look!” Minho points over to where Hyunjin is standing.

 

His posture is a bit slumped, almost like he’s unmotivated and like he really doesn’t wanna be here right now. Chan notices the way his heart picks up quickly after he catches him. “Looks like the wind’s gone out of his sails without you here, bud.” Minho bumps his elbow into Chan’s side lightly. Chan feels warm. Ew. “He looks like a loyal dog waiting for his master to return, which is basically the case.”

 

Chan hits Minho’s side for that, and with a sharp “Cut it out” under his breath. Minho continues despite his warnings, because it’s fucking Lee Minho we’re talking about here. Give him one good reason to stop and he’ll laugh at it.

 

“Seriously though, look at him,” Oh, he’s looking at him alright. It’s safe to say that it really hurts seeing Hyunjin being so… sad. “I mean, we all knew he liked you a lot since the start, but he seems really attached to you, y’know?”

 

“On the mountain, he really helped me out.” Chan places his chin on his palm, still staring at Hyunjin. “All my dumbass did was yell at him, though. I didn’t thank him properly. It’s been a bit awkward since then, and it kinda hurts to be honest - since I’m pretty sure I..”

 

“You like him and you’ve had your first lovers quarrel,”  Chan hits his side again, “Fear not! I can help with that.”

 

Chan can’t even ask what he’s doing before he’s already picked up and jogged over to Hyunjin. Hyunjin seems surprised to see Minho, but only after a couple of words, he’s pulling him away and closer and closer, he gets to Chan. “You both take the bike and help Chan with the supplies, will you? Thanks!” Not even a bit of room for refusal. _Lee Minho, I hope you go to hell, you bastard._

  
  
  


Riding a two person bike? Smart idea, Minho. There’s no direct eye contact, he can only look at his back or their passing surroundings, and then he can apologize comfortably. You know the reason why it fucking backfired and instead launched Chan into a gay panic? Because riding a two person bike and having Hyunjin be the one who pedals them equals to Chan having to hold onto his waist for dear life.

 _C’mon Chan, you’ve been in worse situations! Although none of them made you feel dizzyingly warm because you had to be incredibly close to your crush, because… haha… I never had a crush before.._ “About what happened on the mountain,” If Hyunjin had actual dog ears, he could almost see them perk up, “I know you were only looking out for me. I’m sorry that I got angry at you and yelled at you. And.. thank you..”

 

“What was that?” He can’t tell if Hyunjin actually didn’t hear it or if he just wants to hear Chan saying “Thank you” louder. Probably the former because Hwang Hyunjin isn’t a dirty rat bastard with more spite than Regina George by the name of Lee Minho. He is so going to be dead by the party.

 

Out of embarrassment, Chan leans forward and buries his head in Hyunjin’s shoulder. “I said I’m sorry, and thank you!” He slides down a bit, relaxing somehow despite being even closer to him. “I mean it, puppy.” This is nice, somehow. He’s never experienced before or experienced anything similar to it, but it’s nice. He likes this - skinship between him and Hyunjin is comforting.

  
  
  
  


“They’re back!” Junghoon yells, and the rest of the team starts hollering. One of them in the back wolf whistles and yells, “Captain! When’s the wedding between you and the freshie?”

 

Chan blushes and gets off the bike after Hyunjin does, taking the other bag and handing it to a friend. “I don’t know if we’re ever getting married but I do know you’re not invited if we do, you brat!” The team laughs and a junior, Jihoon maybe, in the back laughs it off as well.

 

“Let’s get the grill going and the party starting!”

  
  
  
  
  


Chan went off with his friends and left Hyunjin with a couple of seniors and beers. “How did you even sneak this in? Won’t the coaches notice?” The senior puts a finger on his lips and pushes the cup of beer into his hands. It’s not like Hyunjin has never drank beer before, because there were a couple of times Jihye and Hyojin sneaked him one or two in his room. He never got drunk before, just tipsy.

 

It shouldn’t be that bad of an idea.

 

He’s a little past tipsy but not completely drunk once Chan finds him with his forehead leaned unto the desk, and the seniors have left. He shakes his shoulder, “Hyunjin, are you asleep?”

 

“Nope, just a bit drunk,” he lifts his head and grins wide. “Channie!! You’re so casual with everyone else, and I want you to like me so bad!”

 

Chan looks surprised for a few moments with his pink mouth open, and Hyunjin wants to kiss it. He shakes his head, “Of course you’ve been drinking.” He looks up and grabs onto his wrist lightly, “Let’s go for a walk on the beach, it’ll sober you up.”

 

“Yeah!! I’ll always go if you’re going, you know that!” Chan laughs, and lets go of his wrist slowly.

 

Hyunjin follows behind Chan down to the beach, and he looks out at the night sky. It takes his breath away, and Chan says, next to him, “I’ve never been on this beach at night. I should’ve come here sooner!” Chan smiles, and Hyunjin dares to look at him.

 

If Chan looked pretty under a street light, he sure as hell looks ethereal under moonlight. That’s the real kicker, and the way he really starts sobering up from the beers Myungho gave him. They walk alongside the shore, and Hyunjin has spared Chan’s hand a look more than once. It’s probably a bit of alcohol left in his system, daring him to hold it. He doesn’t though.

 

“Hyung,” It grabs Chan’s attention immediately. “Stop.”

 

He looks confused but stops, and stands a foot or two in front of Hyunjin anyway. Before he can ask why, Hyunjin continues, “You know, I wanted to get you something, as a gift. For what you’ve done for me.”

 

He’d dare to say that Chan looked taken aback, shocked at what’s coming out of his mouth. Chan laughs, seemingly nervous, “I would’ve been fine with a simple ‘Thank you’, Hyunjin.” He rubs at his hands. He’s nervous, alright. “But why?”

 

It feels a bit like a dream. It feels light, and warm, and Hyunjin’s feeling bold. “I’ve always wanted to be someone special and precious to you, that’s why,” His fist tightens, “Even if it’s just a moment. I want you to think that.” He moves forward an inch, and whether it’s the dark or his eyes fooling him, it feels like Chan moved closer too. “When I said I want you to like me earlier, you know I didn’t meant I want you to like me platonically, right?”

 

Chan’s jaw completely drops, as if Hyunjin wasn’t obvious about his feelings even before he knew what they were. It makes him laugh a bit, no matter how much he feels nervous, “I like you a lot, dumbass.”

 

Right as he’s about to lean in, he realizes what he’s doing and backs away. Chan says something not quite audible, more like a mutter, and he’s staring down at the ground. He reaches out and latches his hands on Hyunjin’s arms and repeats, “Don’t go.”

 

Warm. His hands are warm. “I like.. you, too. Please don’t leave.” He tugs him back to himself, and Hyunjin doesn’t retaliate.

 

It feels a lot like when they hugged before that game once, when Chan pulls Hyunjin in for a tight hug and buries his face in Hyunjin’s neck. Hyunjin’s hand creeps up to Chan’s messy, curly dark hair and Chan’s hands finds its home on Hyunjin’s waist. “I like you a lot, puppy,” It’s muffled a bit but Hyunjin smiles, he hears it clear as day. “I do.”

Hyunjin has had now a confidence boost when it comes to affection and skinskip, knowing Chan feels the same way he does. He places a kiss on top of Chan’s head, and immediately after Chan starts giggling like crazy. He brings his head up, and on his face is a gigantic smile. If Hyunjin was ever scared of commitment and of the uncertainty of Chan even liking him back or not, it washes away in an instant.

 

Hyunjin leans forward a bit and catches his lips in a kiss and he likes it. Chan’s nose brushes against his cheek and it’s a bit messy considering Chan’s inexperience but Hyunjin wouldn’t change it for the world. Chan tugs at his shirt and Hyunjin pulls away instead to pepper his jaw with kisses. His skin is so warm and he can hear his own heart thumping against his chest.

 

“Does this mean you’re my boyfriend now?” Chan asks once he pulls away again and Hyunjin can tell he has trouble saying the word ‘boyfriend’. It makes him smile like crazy as he nods.

 

“You’re my boyfriend. And I’m yours.”

 

“That’s how it works, yeah.”

 

“We both like each other a lot.”

 

“We do.”

 

“Hwang Hyunjin, I like you so much I might explode.”

 

“You’re not the only one, Bang Chan.”

**Author's Note:**

> my twt is @B4NGVORE !! i hope u enjoyed this mess <33


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